HOW TO APPROACH GOALS

“The future is not a place we are going to, but a place we are creating. The path to it is not found, but built, and the act of doing so changes both the doer and the destination.” (John Schaar – Sociologist)

Over time, the world has been transforming, and changes have been happening around humans. Needs are no longer the same, and the stress of the modern world is very different from what existed in the past. Society, now composed of grids and concrete, is immersed in almost always hostile environments, where the daily demand for survival becomes increasingly intense, individual, and burdensome.

As social beings that we are, the individuality so present today is an abnormal condition of the human being. The social life is no longer as active and prevalent as before. In addition, social demands have also changed. The feeling of failure for postponing tasks and the responsibilities assigned in daily life leads all of us to a stressful condition that intensifies over time and worsens every day. The conjunction of procrastination becomes an escape, a vicious and almost endless cycle. Modernity has brought us, in a certain way, unique ways of living, with more comfort, facilities, knowledge, but far from tranquility and the feeling of fullness and happiness. Obviously, there has been a transformation in the way of seeing life, but it seems that we are increasingly anxious, rushed, exhausted, in a permanent state of alertness, whether due to lack of security, traffic, pollution, noise, overwork, poor nutrition, among many other daily demands that demand immediate responses. The essence of urgency becomes dominant in everyone’s life.

There are also relationships with people we love, but that are not always easy to manage. The perception of existence, interrelating between the anxieties of the past and the anxiety of the future, which in the background are socioeconomic instability and uncertainties about the future of the country, the world, and, ultimately, the directions our lives can take. Also, we spend many hours a day with people we did not choose to be with, and we do not always agree with the decisions and choices of our employers, constantly witnessing characters and authorities that, at times, do not prioritize respect and the ability to be morally capable.

We are in a world that is constantly changing, burying us against stagnation, and therefore, at the same time, demands that we reinvent ourselves at the same speed as the changes, or else we are unable to solve problems that arise imminently. Many of the solutions that were valid yesterday may be obsolete and inappropriate today.

Given this world that does not stop and is always changing, finding more efficient ways for well-being, disposition to achieve goals, really seems to be increasingly difficult. Therefore, it has become common in the office, workshops, training, or in the consulting I provide in companies, the question: How to achieve Our Goals? Certainly an intriguing question for any Behavioral Developer, it deserves all the attention to be answered with mastery and to make people better understand what is happening within themselves and what can really bring them closer or separate them from their goals, so that it is possible to facilitate the understanding of how each one can find more practical ways to live and achieve them.

Having the ability to understand everything that can bring us closer to our goals helps us improve the relationship we have with ourselves and with the world, enabling a much more enjoyable coexistence with life. I will describe, then, some fundamental points to be reflected on and that could lead us to a greater possibility that effectively can bring us closer to them.

To start, we have to move towards finding perspectives that signal us to answer this question, and for that, we initially have to understand the evolutionary conception of the human being and the relationship of the human mind with its motivational factors.

Human beings have been waging their unending struggle for survival by adapting to the challenges of life. Initially, it was for survival itself; later, it became an intrinsic need to acquire more practical means for a better life, with more health, comfort, and stability. Some argue that, deep down, the pursuit of all these achievements reveals the unsettling desire of human beings to find fulfillment and identification as BEINGS, fundamentally the encounter with happiness. Human history shows that this arduous path is uncertain and full of unparalleled ironies.

It is worth going back in time and reflecting on the words left by Aristotle. For one of the greatest thinkers in all of humanity, every initiative to seek something must be intrinsically related to happiness, which he called Eudaimonia. For him, what gives meaning to life is what becomes exuberant in our own existence. In his deliberations, and according to Greek thought, we are part of a larger system, like a precise machine where each has a fundamental role to play. For our relationships with the world to be harmonious, we must be in sync with what we have best to be and offer. May our pursuits and objectives always be related to the essence of our existence. Finding our role in the world represents a greater sense of getting closer to being happy in moments of life.

When we do something we do not aspire to, we feel saddened, at times diminished, and certainly, we fail to give our best, doing things just for the sake of doing them. Unhappiness represents a lack of joy in life, and doing what we do not like is the same as projecting our agonies in the hope that happiness will be encountered by chance. People like this empty themselves, becoming slaves to causality. Those who wait for the day to end, the week to finish, and wish the vacation would come soon so that they can leave the affliction of the reality of life and live moments of dreams and unfulfilled desires. Without joy, without dreams, we do not create goals and end up entering a dark and stressful vicious cycle, developing habits that keep us trapped in a mundane, everyday, lukewarm, and dull life. Prisoners of the comfort zone – we procrastinate.

Aristotle believed that a well-lived life was a life of encounter with excellence, that in his words, the daily pursuit of excellence in life is the encounter of our best with our actions and what we do because it makes sense to us. The daily pursuit of excellence is the primordial condition of a colorful, challenging, and happy life. Excellence would be the matrix of the greatest motivational basis of our life to achieve what we desire. The clear simplification that, in life, the pursuit of excellence would represent the increase in the power of living, joy, as Spinoza would say, would make an existence delightful with moments of happiness so crucial for a life to be worth living. Aristotle’s words have an indescribable complexity of modernity, however, almost impossible to practice in a contemporary world.

Understanding this pursuit of excellence is a fundamental basis for man’s struggle for a better life. What would become of us if there were no such relentless pursuit by man? During our evolution, human beings found themselves amidst the most disastrous conditions, such as adversities, floods, droughts, fierce animals, various intensity illnesses, epidemics, wars, diseases, wars, etc. These instabilities were and are the great challenges that made and make him use all his productive capacity to overcome them with excellence in favor of his own survival. These conclusive factors of human restlessness intrigue us and constantly make us reflect, seek understanding of what makes us so persevering with life.

In summary, it can be said that today we know that there is a neurobiological evolutionary process that influences our daily lives and that is directly related to our ability to chart our path, find possibilities, and achieve our goals. However, there is a paradox in the human psyche. Basically, our minds are a constant repository of emotions and feelings, and since our birth, the human brain has been seeking ways to make life simpler, more practical, and less exhausting. A protective filter for everything that, in some way, makes our lives susceptible to negative outcomes in our affections, such as pain and suffering.

Our minds create triggers, individual beliefs. All the difficulties we face, such as stress, pain, suffering, sorrows, among others, turn into beliefs, limiting barriers. These processes shape our perception and give meaning to our routines. The human rule is theoretically: As long as there is some kind of gain, keep it that way. If there are losses greater than gains, change!

Beliefs are created with a protective intention, mentally and biologically safeguarding us. By nature, from beliefs, we tend to create habits, which lead us into a vicious cycle, keeping us within what we call “our world, our map.” Repeating our actions in the same way daily, in a cycle of pure monotony. The problem is that we gradually distance ourselves from our goals, dreams, and desire less and less. The routine, which initially aims to save us for survival, becomes dominant, generates dependence, and we begin to transform any possibility into the practice of procrastination. Beliefs turn into justifications for our actions. In this psychic dynamic, we try to convince ourselves of our own excuses and go for more practical, and almost always, blind responses to our own reality.

The world is constantly in full transformation, and its constant mutations lead people to seek reasons that lead to finding paths and making certain decisions to the detriment of others. In the face of this process, an important part of the studies related to the behavioral aspects of our decisions is focused on the theme of understanding human behavioral psychology, which seeks to understand the factors that influence our mode of deliberation and events related to the psychological distancing from our desires and wishes, inseparable from the mode of individual perceptions according to each person’s values.

The act of distancing ourselves from our goals can represent much more than missing opportunities, as we may not only be failing to do something that could bring more pleasure to the act of living with excellence but also represent something important that we end up procrastinating and transferring responsibility to others.

A few decades ago, neuroscience presented to the world its great discovery that became fundamental to understanding human behavior: the Reward System. In 1960, American physiological psychologist James Olds, a professor at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, introduced the Reward System to the world. His discovery was the foundation for numerous other studies that helped understand how the brain functions and what is related to the motivational state of achieving our goals. It is crucial in allowing our dreams to be realized, and our objectives, determinations, and goals to be achieved within the set of expectations that life provides us. Biologically speaking, it is a complex network of neurons that is activated when we do something that brings some kind of ecstasy and pleasure. This system provides us with a chemical hormonal reward whenever we engage in certain activities, which makes these activities repeated.

The reward system has a specific and essential function: to ensure the survival of the individual and the species by providing motivation for survival behaviors such as eating, drinking, and reproducing. It is formed by a set of specific brain areas. Simplifying, it can be said that the hippocampus (limbic) memorizes this quick satisfaction, creating triggers, and the amygdala conditions these created stimuli, and the region of the hypothalamus (limbic), which has its circuits interconnected with the reptilian nervous system, acts with perceptual stimuli from the environment. Its activation is based on the principle of achievement, something that involves some kind of sacrifice or difficulty, something that we can metaphorically say was “deserved.” Neuroscientist Suzana Herculano-Houzel, who has become one of the leading experts in well-being health and the neurological understanding of reward, presents in her studies a clear and objective definition that the reward system is directly interconnected with various daily factors that can now be clearly defined.

Next, we will present some fundamental points that will assist each of us in better reflecting on our human behavior and that will help us get closer to our goals. These points are intrinsically related to science, or better, to social psychology and neuroscience. Knowledge that will help us expand our view of life and how our brain works and what motivates us in our daily lives:

• Being present in the present: First of all, we have to understand the meaning of being present in the now. Bitterness relates to the past, anxiety to the future, and procrastination to the present, being part of an equation that determines this temporality of Being. In this human psyche triad is an important construction: It is necessary to lose to gain, at the same time that we only move when, aware of the present, we realize that losses are greater than gains. This is undoubtedly the first fundamental point of any change and directly relates to achieving our goals. This clarity is what brings strength to leave the comfort zone, and then we act by human nature. In the moment we are present is when we are able to act in our favor. In favor of our goals. The lucidity of losses is the reason to perceive alternatives in life, our reality, and the relationship of our own limiting beliefs. It is the paradigm of what we are now with the formatting of our own future. In this temporal transfer, we allow reflection that the future is a consequent part of our present actions and a response from the experience of our own past and not those that belong to others. Being present represents being ourselves and not being the other or what they expect from us.
• Anxiety in the right measure: The future perspective can also turn any goal into anguish. People who turn possibilities into anxiety are much more prone to procrastinate life. According to research conducted at the Columbia Business School in the United States, anxious people are much more likely to procrastinate. Living in the search for immediate answers, they try to find paths that tend to require less work, and when faced with difficulties, constantly seek justification, failing to act in the hope that something simpler will happen. This can lead to another problem also related to this goal distancing.
• Being happy and not thinking you are happy: Another important factor related to the distancing from our goals is the societal pressure that forces us to believe that happiness is the key to everything. We are made to think that we should always be happy and optimistic about life. According to the German psychologist Gabriele Oettingen, who spent over twenty years studying the possible benefits of negative thinking, concluded that thinking optimistically is not always the best approach. Nowadays, society preaches that living life is experiencing only happy moments, and this will lead us to achieve our goals. However, studies led by Oettingen reveal a different truth. After so many years of research, the psychologist concluded that spending too much time fantasizing about positive outcomes one wants to achieve causes individuals to ignore the reality around them. Instead of going to the gym or studying for an exam, for instance, people waste time imagining the positive results that will be achieved when such tasks are completed. According to Oettingen, this doesn’t mean we should be pessimistic all the time. The researcher suggests three steps to follow for those who want to achieve their goals: thinking about the concrete results to be achieved, the obstacles to them, and devising a plan to overcome them.
• Right environment with the right people: The distance between being present or not is a factor that directly influences when we are setting and achieving goals. Understanding this allows for a systemic analysis when setting and fulfilling goals, enabling us to observe “outside the box” and strengthening our behavior in what we must fulfill. This is because a significant portion of our goals is determined with random ease influenced by a broader perception of emotion according to the environment we are related to. Habit, as the French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu would say. Emotion is a neurobiological response to our relations with the world and is continually being influenced by the environment. This often prevents us from asking ourselves, why? before answering, what? Deciding to spend time with or be in the company of a specific group is not just advice to choose friends carefully; it influences how you act and think. Social psychology research shows that when two people are in each other’s company, their brain waves begin to look almost identical. The more human relationships are studied, the more it is perceived that merely being with certain people really aligns your brain with theirs. People you hang out with really have an impact on your engagement with reality beyond what you can explain. And one of the effects is that you become similar. Studies claim that this influences perceptions such as the perception of sounds, smells, and other factors. Therefore, you’ll have a much better chance of getting closer to goals and building a life that demands more when surrounded by people who embody the traits and share the same will and/or desire. Over time, desirable attitudes and behaviors will become more frequent and make more sense to carry them out.
• Knowing how to use emotional intelligence: The act of feeling good, based on a set of mental and physical characteristics that can establish emotional balance, helps us feel better and more motivated for life. It is part of the satisfaction of living – the feeling of control over life, from simple decisions to those that impact the future. Control over life is directly linked to emotion and consequently to the quality of our relationships and, subsequently, to stress. Less control means more stress in life. The higher the stress, the lower our motivation, and consequently, the ability and desire to achieve goals diminish drastically. We become more and more disheartened and, consequently, procrastinators. If you work with someone who is constantly stressed, you are more likely to feel the same way. Positive emotions are as contagious as negative ones. People who want to maximize happiness and minimize stress should build a life that requires better decisions by surrounding themselves with people who embody the traits they prefer. Over time, desirable attitudes and behaviors will become more frequent.
• Social Interactions: Social interactions are fundamental to human survival. It is known that affection and respect, the act of listening and being heard, for example, make all the difference in a person’s life, and this only happens with social interaction. Being well with life, happy, satisfied with the social world we participate in involves another region of the brain in the limbic system, precisely the left amygdala, responsible for positive emotions, which, together with the region of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, gives us the feeling of optimism to do the best we can and, consequently, get closer to achieving our goals. The stimulus that our brain activates in the reward system is found in the way we relate to the world, in the dual cohesion between body and mind. The safest way to maximize happiness has nothing to do with experiences, material goods, or personal philosophy but with the quality of the relationships you maintain in your life.
• Doing something for others: Motivation is also linked to the feeling we get from doing something useful for other people; being able to help and feel useful is one of the greatest rewards and motivators in life. It is the most unequivocal way to bring introspection and feel one’s own life. The stagnation of life is depressing; it does harm. Humans are programmed to be useful, and the ecstasy of it is in helping others. Being supportive and proactive will help you avoid being influenced by others’ selfishness. Nicholas Christakis from Harvard and James Fowler from the University of California, San Diego, explain that happiness depends not only on our choices and actions but also on the actions of people who are two or even three degrees of separation from us. This means that by being positive, we encourage others to do the same – creating a virtuous cycle of positive feedback where there are only deposits, and no withdrawals, and where our resilience is reinforced and strengthened by the actions of others.
• Gaining something: Any human action starts with the intention of gaining something. There must be gains for motivation, but not just any gain. It has to be intrinsically related to effort, doing the best you can under the given conditions, seeking excellence, so to speak. The closer you get to it, the greater your satisfaction and motivation to do more and more. For example, earning money without deserving it is not a motivator; the reward system is not activated. This gain I refer to has to be seen effectively as a kind of prize, where there is dedication, sacrifice, challenge, improvement, and is somehow related to well-being.

If you’re struggling with your goals, don’t feel guilty just yet. Before that, we need to understand that the human brain was built on a behavioral structure that may not have evolved as fast as the world it created. According to studies by Piers Steel, there are two important mechanisms in the brain that contribute to an individual procrastinating and losing focus on their goals. The first is the limbic system, which is connected to the pleasure-related part of the brain. “When you feel like doing something, when you really want to achieve something, it’s the limbic system that’s controlling the process,” says Steel. “The problem is that this system only cares about immediate pleasures and pains.” The second is the prefrontal cortex, which tries to control the desires and ambition of the limbic system. It is responsible for long-term planning. “But the biggest weakness of the prefrontal cortex is fatigue. It gets tired quickly.” Therefore, it is necessary to create new conditions to train it to see the current world differently from how it was programmed. If we compare it to a computer, what we need to do is essentially reprogramming. In practical terms, this means that when we procrastinate, the prefrontal cortex plans for the future, but the limbic system intervenes, asking for an action that brings instant pleasure, creating a series of interrelated conflicts with the human psyche itself, distancing us from establishing previous routines that would bring us closer to achieving our goals. Thus, even if you understand with all clarity the immense importance of your goals, without changes in your behavior, you will undoubtedly fall back into old associative patterns, basing life on beliefs and excuses. Doing what the old programming of our brain was destined to do, entering automatic mode 99% of our lives.

The world is always in constant transformation, and its constant mutations lead people to seek reasons that lead to finding paths and making certain decisions over others. In this process, another important part of the studies related to the behavioral aspect of our decisions is aimed at the understanding of the psychological distance we find ourselves from our goals. It is necessary to understand the factors that influence our mode of deliberation. The events related to psychological distance are inseparable from individual perceptions according to their values. I hope it’s clear that life only exists in the relationships we have with the world and that above any goal you want to achieve, the essence of your values comes first. We are autonomous beings, free to choose the best conduct to respect common values, ethically protecting the interaction of the relationships we have. Therefore, it is always worth reflecting on our virtues in every action.

Life itself has its yearnings, often shaped by the magmatic allegories of nature. We are also capable of having control over part of our lives. Let this part be a reflection of our control, our actions, molded from the unique ability of humans, made from our choices, contemplated with fair and true actions, in accordance with our values and principles. Each of us can explore what nature has given us the best, always acting in pursuit of excellence.

Building goals for our lives is a fundamental part of being, feeling that we are truly alive. For this, let each goal constructed also be part of our joy in sharing with others. The fact is that we are daily contaminated with the liquid culture in which we live, claiming that happiness is in having, not in being. We are recognized by the accumulation of goods. However, neuroscience today demonstrates that life’s success is in the fluidity of relationships, in serving, not in exploiting. We must not forget from time to time also to relate the value of our goals to what we provide to others, in the usefulness that would not exist without our actions. Therefore, the capacity for originality that we must never forget is valid. After all, we will always have people around us who, in some way, expect from us the lucidity to be the best we can be, turning each achievement into shared joy, demonstrating that the excellence within us is also in the ability to make the lives of others better, following an ethical conduct not only of having but also constantly learning the important mission we have to BE.

In our relentless pursuit of goals, it is imperative to recognize that the path to success is not a straight line but rather an intricate maze of challenges, discoveries, and self-transformation. Each of us is an architect of our destiny, shaping not only tangible goals but also the very essence of who we are.

In this process of self-discovery, perhaps we should redefine not only what we seek but how we seek it. Society often pressures us to accumulate material achievements, but what if true wealth lies in the journey, shared experiences, and contributing to the common good?

As you reflect on your goals, I invite you to consider not only what you wish to accomplish but how these achievements resonate in the lives of those around you. True greatness lies in the ability to positively impact the world, to be a source of inspiration for others, and thus build a legacy that transcends the individual.

Therefore, let every goal you set be not just a destination but an opportunity for growth, human connection, and contribution to something greater than yourself. As you approach your goals, be aware not only of what you gain but of what you offer. May the journey, filled with challenges and triumphs, be as meaningful as the envisioned destination.

Ultimately, true excellence in life is not just about reaching our goals but how these goals, in the process of pursuit, shape character, strengthen relationships, and make each step an authentic expression of what it means to be human. May every goal be an opportunity not only for personal achievement but for contributing to a world richer in meaning, empathy, and compassion.

✅ Liked this article? – – – – – – –

THANK YOU FOR READING AND WATCHING MARCELLO DE SOUZA IN ANOTHER EXCLUSIVE PUBLICATION ABOUT HUMAN BEHAVIOR

Hello, I’m Marcello de Souza! I started my career in 1997 as a leader and manager of a large company in the IT and Telecom market. Since then, I have been involved in major projects structuring, implementing, and optimizing telecommunications networks in Brazil. Restless and passionate about behavioral and social psychology. In 2008, I decided to delve into the universe of the human mind. Since then, I have become a professional passionate about unraveling the secrets of human behavior and catalyzing positive changes in individuals and organizations. A Ph.D. in Social Psychology, with over 25 years of experience in Cognitive Behavioral Development & Human Organization. With a broad career, I highlight my roles as:

• Master Senior Coach & Trainer: I guide my clients in pursuit of goals and personal and professional development, providing extraordinary results. • Chief Happiness Officer (CHO): I promote an organizational culture of happiness and well-being, boosting productivity and employee engagement. • Expert in Language & Behavioral Development: I enhance communication and self-knowledge skills, empowering individuals to face challenges with resilience. • Cognitive Behavioral Therapist: I use cutting-edge cognitive-behavioral therapy to assist in overcoming obstacles and achieving a balanced mind. • Speaker, Professor, Writer, and Researcher: I share valuable knowledge and insights in events, training, and publications to inspire positive changes. • Consultant & Mentor: My experience in leadership and project management allows me to identify growth opportunities and propose personalized strategies.

My solid academic background includes four post-graduate degrees and a Ph.D. in Social Psychology, as well as international certifications in Management, Leadership, and Cognitive Behavioral Development. My contributions in the field are widely recognized in hundreds of classes, training sessions, lectures, and published articles.

Co-author of the book “The Secret of Coaching” and author of “The Map Is Not the Territory, the Territory Is You” and “The Society of Diet” (the first of a trilogy on human behavior in contemporaneity – 09/2023).

Allow me to be your partner in this journey of self-discovery and success. Together, we will unravel a universe of behavioral possibilities and achieve extraordinary results.

By the way, I want to invite you to be part of my network. As a lover of behavioral psychology, social psychology, and neuroscience, I created my YouTube channel to share my passion for cognitive behavioral development with more people.

Note that all data and content in this article or video are exclusive. Written and reviewed by Marcello de Souza based on philosophical concepts and proven scientific studies so that the best possible content reaches you.

Don’t forget to follow Marcello de Souza on other social media, and join the VIP list to receive exclusive articles weekly via email, which I continuously publish.

✍️ Leave your comment

📢 Share with friends

🧠 The Marcello de Souza_ official Channel was created to simplify understanding of human behavior and complement information from the blog: www.marcellodesouza.com.br

Site: www.marcellodesouza.com

🧠 Subscribe to the Channel: www.youtube.com/@marcellodesouza_oficial

🧠 Marcello de Souza’s Latest Book: /www.marcellodesouza.com.br/o-mapa-nao-e-o-territorio-o-territorio-e-voce/

🧠 Commercial Contact: comercial@coachingevoce.com.br 🧠

 Write to Marcello de Souza: R. Antônio Lapa, 280 – Sexto Andar – Cambuí, Campinas – SP, 13025-240 Social Media 🧠

 Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/company/marcellodesouzaoficial

🧠 Instagram: @marcellodesouza_oficial

🧠 Instagram: @coachingevoce

🧠 Facebook: www.facebook.com/encontraroseumelhor/

🧠 Facebook: /www.facebook.com/coachingevoce.com.br/

🧠Official website: www.coachingevoce.com.br

🧠 VIP List to receive exclusive weekly articles: contato@marcellodesouza.com.br

🧠 Portfolio: https://linktr.ee/marcellodesouza

🧠 Presentation and adaptation: Marcello de Souza

#humanrelations #empathy #healthierrelationships #toxicrelationships #selflove #communication #coachingforyou #marcellodesouza #love #instagood #photooftheday #beautiful #happy #motivation #inspiration #quote #successquotes #positivity #humanbehavior #psychology #personalgrowth #selfknowledge #mindfulness #coaching #coach #lifecoach #lifecoaching #personalgrowth #emotionalintelligence #emotions #selfcontrol #selfawareness #emotionalrelationship #selfhelp #motivation #overcoming #personalgrowth #selfdevelopment #mindset #positive thinking #positiveattitude #success #positivity #leadership #leadershipcoach #executivecoaching #teammanagement #consciousleadership #resilience #mentalstrength #resilient #overcomingobstacles #winningmentality #balance #professionalife #personallife #careercoaching #qualityoflife