I’M FINE, YOU’RE NOT: THE FINE LINE BETWEEN EMOTIONAL EGOCENTRISM AND EMPATHY

In the whirlwind of emotions, we find the duality of self and other, where egocentrism dissipates in the face of true empathy, revealing the profound connection that binds souls. (Marcello de Souza)

We live in a society that, unfortunately, seems increasingly inclined towards selfishness and narcissism, while empathy, one of the most precious skills of human coexistence, is in decline. Tania Singer, leader of a research team at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences, has been revealing important findings that can help us understand this concerning trend: our own feelings and sensations can distort our ability to empathize, leading to what is called ‘emotional egocentrism’.

But what exactly is emotional egocentrism and how does it affect our social interactions?

Emotional Egocentrism

Emotional egocentrism is a psychological phenomenon in which a person tends to distort the interpretation of others’ emotions, feelings, and experiences through their own perspective and feelings. In other words, it is the tendency to overly focus on oneself and one’s own emotions while trying to understand the emotions and experiences of others.

When a person is stuck in emotional egocentrism, they have difficulty putting themselves in the other person’s shoes and understanding them impartially. Instead, they project their own feelings, beliefs, and experiences onto others, often interpreting others’ actions or words according to how they would react in a similar situation.

This bias can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and difficulties in interpersonal communication, including the building of toxic relationships. The emotionally egocentric person may fail to recognize or validate what the other person feels and their perspectives, leading to a depletion of empathy and emotional disconnection in social interactions.

The fact is that when interacting with the world and those around us, it is natural to use our own emotions as a reference, projecting them onto others. Cognitive research has already studied this phenomenon, but little was known about its emotional dimension. Emotional egocentrism can lead to distorted assessments of others’ emotions, especially when our feelings differ significantly from theirs. Through complex experiments involving sensory stimuli, researchers were able to measure this phenomenon and map the activation of the right supramarginal gyrus during these situations.

Based on the most important parts of the study to further explore emotional egocentrism and its relationship between our feelings, sensations, and empathy, researchers at the Max Planck Institute have been conducting a series of complex experiments. Among them, I highlight one that is directly related to understanding the relationship between empathy and emotional egocentrism. In this study, participants were exposed to pleasant or unpleasant visual and tactile stimuli, working in teams of two. The result was surprising: when both participants were exposed to similar stimuli, empathy flowed naturally, allowing them to genuinely understand each other’s emotions. However, when the stimuli were opposite, empathy decreased considerably.

This drop in empathy occurred because the participants’ own sensations and feelings interfered with the assessment of others’ feelings. When someone was in a positive emotional state, they tended to underestimate the severity of their partner’s negative experiences, while those with negative experiences evaluated the other’s positive experiences less positively. The same happened with their own kinesthetic sensations. This demonstrates how our own emotional states, feelings, as well as our own sensations, can impair our ability to genuinely understand others’ emotions and offer sincere empathic support.

To understand the neural basis of this phenomenon, researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to map brain activity during these situations. Surprisingly, they found that other regions influence the right supramarginal gyrus, which plays a crucial role in distinguishing our own emotional states from others’. This is an important point for understanding how our brain and body process and regulate empathy.

Furthermore, studies indicate that quick decisions can also reduce our empathy. This reinforces the idea that we need time for the brain to neutralize and correct our emotional projections onto others, especially in situations where we are subject to intense emotions or quick decision-making.

The ability to put oneself in another’s shoes is essential for the harmonious functioning of human relationships. In this context, as we have seen, the research team led by Tania Singer at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences has conducted groundbreaking studies that show how our own feelings, sensations, and emotions can affect our empathy and how the brain works in this process, especially involving the right supramarginal gyrus. This discovery challenges previous conceptions in social neuroscience, which assumed that our empathy was mainly based on our own emotions. However, the research shows that this mechanism only works when we are in a neutral or similar emotional state to others. In different emotional states, the right supramarginal gyrus plays a crucial role in correcting our perception and allowing us to truly understand others’ emotions.

Such findings have profound implications in our daily lives, such as in the work context, family relationships, and interpersonal interactions. By understanding the influence of our own feelings, we can cultivate greater self-awareness, avoiding the trap of emotional egocentrism and building more meaningful connections with others. Furthermore, these studies can help us maintain good mental health, as empathy is a key factor in dealing with emotions in a healthy and constructive way. This leads us to understand that:

• At Work: In the professional environment, empathy plays a crucial role in building harmonious and productive teams. Understanding the influence of everything that can alter empathy allows us to develop more empathetic communication with colleagues, moving away from emotional egocentrism. This is why studies on the right supramarginal gyrus help us identify how our own reality of feelings, sensations, and emotions can distort empathic ability with colleagues. For example, when encountering a colleague who seems stressed, we can reflect on how our own sensations at that moment affect our perception, avoiding hasty judgments. Imagine in a heated meeting, by recognizing that we are feeling anxious or irritated, we can be more cautious to avoid negative reactions and seek empathetic dialogue to resolve issues.

• Family Context: Amid family interactions, empathy is the foundation for healthy relationships and meaningful connections. From these studies, we can understand how our feelings can distort our understanding of others’ emotions. For example, in a heated argument with a family member, we can pause to acknowledge in the moment how we are feeling and how it may be influencing our perception. This reflective pause helps us look at ourselves and respond empathetically, seeking to understand the other’s feelings and finding more constructive solutions; or for example, when dealing with a conflicted teenager, we can seek to understand what they are feeling, even if the feeling seems distant from our own, allowing for a more welcoming and empathetic dialogue.

• Solid and Healthy Interpersonal Relationships: Empathy is the foundation for authentic and enriching interpersonal relationships. Through it, we move away from emotional egocentrism. By being attentive to the influence of our own feelings on our perceptions, we can avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts. For example, in a conversation with a friend who is going through a difficult time, we can strive to genuinely understand their feelings, even if our own experience at that moment is completely different, practicing active listening and genuine understanding without judgment. This creates an environment of trust and mutual support in friendships.

Digital Relationships Versus Face-to-Face Relationships

Although technology and social networks have shortened distances, it is important to remember that empathy in digital relationships will never replace the richness of face-to-face relationships. The lack of physical interaction can limit our ability to truly understand the other’s emotions, reinforcing the need to seek personal contact to nurture deeper and more meaningful connections. We need to learn to differentiate between face-to-face relationships and digital relationships. Perhaps the great value of this study is to make it possible to understand that there are distinct characteristics that impact our ability to feel empathy in each context, as well as to understand that the digital world is the ideal environment for emotional egocentrism. Let’s see some points:

• Absence of Non-Verbal Clarity: In face-to-face relationships, we have access to a variety of non-verbal signals, such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, as well as other senses fundamental to the context such as smell, touch, voice frequency, gesture speed, color, in addition to the environment itself where the relationship takes place, which enrich sensations, feelings, and emotions. These additional signals allow us to become aware of what is happening introspectively in a more precise and subtle way, which favors the development of empathy. However, in digital interactions, these clues are not available, making it more difficult to capture the emotional nuances, sensations, and emotions of other people.

• Communication Distortion: Digital communication is often mediated by electronic devices such as smartphones and computers. In these mediums, there is more room for misunderstandings, as written language can be interpreted in different ways without the help of non-verbal cues to clarify the emotional intention behind the words. This lack of clarity can lead to less empathetic responses, as interpretation may be hindered by the lack of context as a whole.

• Reduction of Human Connection: Digital relationships can also lead to a reduction in the feeling of human connection. Physical distance and interaction through screens can make people less attentive to the emotions and needs of others. Without physical presence, the tendency to project our own feelings and experiences onto other people can be exacerbated, diminishing genuine empathy.

• Anonymous and Impersonal Environment: Digital interactions often occur in more anonymous and impersonal environments, such as social networks or online forums. In these platforms, we tend towards emotional egocentrism – there is a sense of emotional disconnection among participants – which can lead to less empathetic behaviors. The sense of anonymity can also encourage the expression of negative emotions without considering the consequences, decreasing empathy in online interactions.

• Time and Emotional Availability: In face-to-face relationships, we often dedicate more time and emotional availability to interact with people, as well as enabling a high analysis of everything that is happening inside and outside of us. This allows for the creation of stronger bonds and deeper emotional connections, which in turn promote greater empathy. In digital interactions, however, the speed and superficiality of communications can limit the development of significant emotional bonds, affecting the ability to feel empathy.

The fact is that the digital age has brought about a significant change in how we communicate. However, we cannot forget that human beings relate through a psychic, chemical, and physiological process. The lack of physical contact is a complex missing part of the context, making empathy a challenge. That’s why understanding the mind can alert us to the limitations of virtual interactions.

Emotional Egocentrism and Toxic Relationships

The thin line between emotional egocentrism and empathy is woven by the webs of feelings, where we become empathetic beings when facing the shadows of our own emotions.(Marcello de Souza)

The findings of this study on emotional egocentrism have significant implications when it comes to understanding and dealing with toxic relationships. Regarding toxic relationships, understanding the role of the right supramarginal gyrus in empathy can alert us to signs of emotional egocentrism in ourselves and others. This allows us to identify harmful patterns of interaction and seek healthy alternatives to deal with emotions, avoiding toxic relationships and building more positive and enriching bonds.

Toxic relationships are those in which one or more individuals exert harmful, manipulative, abusive, or emotionally draining behaviors upon others. In this context, this study can be a key factor in identifying and dealing with such harmful dynamics.

• Early Sign Identification: By understanding the importance of empathy in recognizing the emotions of others, we can identify early signs if there is a moment of imbalance between feelings, emotions, and sensations or if it is a toxic intervention. When we open high perception and put ourselves in the place of the other, we can notice if there is emotional imbalance in the relationship, if an individual is consistently ignoring or invalidating the feelings of the other, or if manipulative and controlling behaviors are present. This initial awareness can help prevent the toxic relationship from further developing.

• Establishment of Boundaries: Empathy can also be useful in setting healthy boundaries in a toxic relationship. Understanding others’ emotions does not mean accepting harmful behaviors. By recognizing the other person’s perspective, we can be more assertive in expressing our own needs and expectations. This can be especially important in personal and professional relationships, where maintaining clear boundaries is essential for emotional well-being.

• Self-Preservation and Mental Health: Knowledge about the influence of the right supramarginal gyrus in empathy alerts us to the negative impact that toxic relationships can have on our own mental health. When we are in an emotionally toxic environment, our ability to empathize may be challenged, and we may end up putting ourselves at emotional risk to meet the needs of others. Understanding the harmful effects of these relationships can motivate us to take steps to distance ourselves from toxic environments and prioritize our mental health.

What Else Can We Learn From This Study on Emotional Egocentrism

The studies presented help us understand that we can do more to truly build an empathetic relationship for the materialization of healthy relationships. When we strive to understand the feelings, emotions, and sensations of the moment in which relationships occur, we broaden the possibilities and perspectives we have of others, thus creating deeper and more meaningful connections. This applies not only to personal relationships but also to work relationships and friendships. Investing in empathy and mutual understanding can strengthen bonds and prevent potential toxic situations in the future.

The fact is that by recognizing the complexity of the human mind and the importance of empathy for emotional well-being, we are encouraged to seek self-development and continuous learning. By understanding how our own feelings can influence our perceptions of others, we can develop greater self-awareness and emotional self-management. This journey of personal growth can make us better equipped to deal with challenging relationships and build healthier and more positive relationships.

Ultimately, understanding the role of this study in both emotional egocentrism and empathy is valuable for addressing and avoiding toxic relationships, establishing healthy boundaries, preserving our mental health, and cultivating meaningful relationships.

The truth is that empathy allows us to see beyond our own emotions and perspectives, paving the way for more authentic and genuine connections with others. By incorporating this knowledge into our daily lives, we can create more compassionate and understanding environments, thus promoting emotional and relational well-being for ourselves and those around us.

In cultivating empathy and emotional self-awareness, we become more resilient to emotional stresses. For example, when facing a difficult moment, understanding our own emotions allows us to deal with them in a healthy way, avoiding projecting them onto others and preserving our relationships.

Empathy also plays a vital role in our mental health. Understanding how our own emotions and feelings can influence our empathy helps us deal with stressful situations more healthily. By developing self-awareness, we can recognize our own emotional limits and prevent our negative feelings from negatively affecting the people around us. Empathy also promotes a sense of belonging and social support, contributing to better overall mental health.

Therefore, I want to leave some important tips to avoid falling victim to emotional egocentrism, both in relation to ourselves and others, which can help in this regard:

– Practice self-awareness: Be mindful of your own feelings, sensations, and emotions. Recognize when you are being influenced by your own emotional state and how this may affect your perceptions of others. By identifying emotional egocentrism in yourself, you can correct your projections and improve your empathy.

– Actively listen: When interacting with others, practice active listening. Focus on truly understanding what the other person is feeling and experiencing, without letting your own emotions influence the interpretation of what is being said.

– Consider different perspectives: Be open to considering perspectives different from your own. Acknowledge that each person has their own experiences and emotions, and they will not always be the same as yours. Cultivating the ability to understand the emotions of others will help avoid emotional egocentrism.

– Think before reacting: When faced with emotionally charged situations, take a pause before reacting. Evaluate what is happening around you and ask yourself if your reaction is being influenced by your own emotional state. Make decisions more consciously and balanced.

– Practice empathy: Develop empathy by genuinely putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand how the other person is feeling and why they may be acting in a certain way. Empathy strengthens interpersonal connections and helps avoid misunderstandings caused by emotional egocentrism.

– Cultivate healthy relationships: Maintain relationships based on trust and open communication. Healthy relationships allow emotions to be shared and understood more genuinely. Never forget, there are empowering people and toxic people, and it’s up to you to choose what you want for yourself!

– Seek professional help if necessary: If you realize that emotional egocentrism is negatively affecting your personal relationships, as well as if you are having difficulty understanding yourself, seek mental health professionals, consider seeking help from a psychologist or cognitive therapy professional and steer clear of gurus, self-help as well as pseudo-therapies or people who try to offer you answers. A true professional will help explore and work through underlying emotional and behavioral cognitive patterns.

Ultimately, the recipe is always to strive to find your best self. To do this, focus on implementing strategies in your daily life, thus strengthening your emotional and relational intelligence, building more empathetic and healthy relationships, avoiding falling into the traps of emotional egocentrism, and contributing to a more harmonious and understanding environment for both yourself and others.

In the end, I hope you have understood that we are the result of a whole psychic, chemical, and physiological process. Understanding these mechanisms invites us to a continuous journey of self-awareness and emotional understanding, enabling us to build more empathetic and genuine relationships in all spheres of life. By applying this knowledge in work, family, with friends, and even in digital relationships, we can create a cycle of more empathetic relationships, where understanding and mutual support are the foundation for a more harmonious and healthy world.

To help you in deep reflection:

• Personal Experience Identification: Reflect on a situation where you realized you were acting with emotional egocentrism. Describe the situation, your emotions, and how it affected your interactions with others.
• Digital vs. In-person Communication Analysis: Compare your communication experiences in digital and in-person environments. Identify how the lack of non-verbal cues affects your ability to empathize in online interactions compared to face-to-face interactions.
• Recognition of Toxic Relationships: Think about past or current relationships that may be considered toxic. Identify patterns of emotional egocentric behavior, such as manipulation or lack of empathy, and reflect on how this has affected your emotional well-being.
• Practice of Active Listening: Try practicing active listening in a close conversation. Focus on truly listening to what the other person is saying, without letting your own emotions influence your interpretation.
• Development of Self-awareness: Explore your own emotions and sensations in a challenging moment. Recognize how your own emotional experiences may distort your perception of others’ emotions and think of ways to develop greater emotional self-awareness.
• Establishment of Healthy Boundaries: Consider a personal or professional relationship where you need to establish healthy boundaries. Identify your emotional needs and reflect on how to communicate these needs empathetically, avoiding emotional egocentric behaviors.
• Exploration of Empathy in Digital Relationships: Analyze how you practice empathy in your online interactions. Identify ways to cultivate more authentic and genuine connections in a digital environment, despite communication limitations.
• Reflection on Self-development: Think about ways to continue your journey of self-development and continuous learning. Identify areas where you would like to cultivate greater empathy and emotional understanding in your personal and professional life.

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