HOW TO FIND CLARITY WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

“The most important thing is not what you have, but who you are.” — Wayne Dyer

Amid the complexity of modern life, we are often pressured to have everything defined — from goals to the paths to take to achieve them. But what do we do when the feeling of not knowing what we want takes over us? When the search for a clear goal becomes an almost insurmountable challenge? This emptiness doesn’t need to be seen as a blockage, but rather, as an opportunity — an open door to a deeper journey of self-awareness and transformation.

Recently, I’ve noticed a growing number of people coming to me with a common doubt: “I don’t know what I want, how can I define my goals?”. This increasing question is no mere coincidence. We live in an era of hyperconnectivity, where the pressure for quick results, the societal standards, and others’ expectations often drive us away from our true essence. Moreover, many of us face blockages that have deeper roots, such as insecurity, fear of failure, excessive pressure, toxic environments, and relationships that act as true obstacles to our growth. So, how can we build authentic goals in a world saturated with external influences?

In this age of spectacles, appearances, and external expectations often overshadow our true essence. What is mine, what belongs to me, and what belongs to others often become blurred, as we are bombarded with information that shapes our choices and desires. When we let ourselves be guided by what others expect of us — whether societal norms, standards of success, or promises of happiness — we disconnect from our own longings and often find ourselves in a cycle of dissatisfaction, relentlessly searching for something we don’t even know what is.

Moreover, there is a constant conflict between “having” and “being.” We are often led to believe that in order to be someone or to achieve our goals, we need to “have”: status, wealth, power, and so on. But what happens when the pursuit of “having” overshadows our ability to “be”? The answer may lie in redirecting our attention inward — in the search for a deeper understanding of who we are, what we truly want, and what makes us feel complete and fulfilled.

Behavioral psychology teaches us that clarity about our goals is directly related to our understanding of who we truly are. Neuroscience, in turn, reveals how the brain processes desires and intentions, and how we can reconfigure our thought patterns to align with our genuine goals. Furthermore, practices for developing behavioral intelligence and emotional intelligence offer powerful tools for navigating this process of self-discovery with greater assertiveness.

This article today is not limited to a subjective or philosophical search, but is grounded in the sciences of behavior, neuroscience, psychology, and the theory of self-awareness. Together, these disciplines will help us understand why the feeling of uncertainty about what we want is not a failure, but an opportunity for growth and reframing.

Moreover, my goal here is not to offer a ready-made formula, but rather to invite you to embark on a journey of deep and authentic reflection, anchored in the sciences of human behavior. What we aim for is to transform uncertainty and emptiness into a catalyst for building a truer life, aligned with your fullest potential.

Now, to help you take the first steps on this journey, I share with you four fundamental guidelines. They are not ready-made answers, but principles that can open your mind to go beyond the initial confusion and begin to listen to your true desires. These steps aim not only at the definition of goals but also at the ongoing process of self-discovery, allowing you to reconnect with what is truly important to you.

1. The Difference Between Dreams and Fantasies

“The greatest obstacle to success is the illusion of immediate success.” — Robert Greene

Here, I want to help you understand the fundamental difference between dreams and fantasies, clarifying how these two forces can shape our actions — or the lack of them. By learning to distinguish between them, we can create more authentic and realistic goals, avoiding the traps of false expectations and building a solid path to personal fulfillment.

On the journey of self-awareness, one of the crucial first steps is to understand the nuances between dreams and fantasies. While dreams have the depth of a genuine desire that inspires us to act, fantasies keep us on the surface, offering immediate satisfaction without a solid foundation for development. Both can be exciting, but it’s vital to know which one is really shaping your choices and actions.

Dreams are powerful because they come from within us and relate to our wants, which go far beyond mere desires. They reflect our values, our deepest beliefs, and our vision of how we would like to live. A dream is something that moves us, that challenges us to step out of our comfort zone and take the first steps towards something meaningful. Even when a dream seems distant, it has the ability to inspire us and guide us into action, no matter how difficult the path may be.

A genuine dream requires work, dedication, and commitment to a greater purpose. It is not tied to immediate or superficial rewards but rather to continuous transformation. The goal of a dream is not only the final achievement but the process of growth, learning, and evolution that it provides along the way.

On the other hand, fantasies are the antidote to action. They offer us an idealized version of reality, where success comes quickly and effortlessly. Fantasies are those images in our minds — like being a celebrity or gaining instant wealth — that give us momentary pleasure but without requiring any real commitment from us.

While dreams challenge us to evolve, fantasies keep us stagnant, waiting for an external change without taking control of the process. They are an escape from the present, a temporary flight from reality. While it’s natural to have fantasies, it is essential to know that they should not be confused with the dreams that are truly worth pursuing.

The greatest challenge arises when we can’t distinguish one from the other. When we confuse dreams with fantasies, we create unrealistic expectations, leading us into a cycle of frustration. We dream of a perfect life or great success, but we don’t take the necessary actions to get there.

Fantasy, fueled by the rush for instant results and the illusion that everything can happen effortlessly, pulls us away from the authentic path. It keeps us in the realm of the “impossible,” where we dream a lot, but never actually take action to fulfill our desires.

We live in an era where the excess of information and constant social comparison make it even harder to understand what we truly want for our lives. The pressure for quick results, the relentless search for validation, and external expectations create a scenario where we drift away from our real needs.

This internal confusion is fueled by the consumption of perfect images on social media, the pursuit of immediate approval, and the constant need to be “successful” according to external standards. This creates a disconnect between what we truly want and what others expect from us, leading to frustration and existential emptiness.
For example, imagine you have the dream of becoming a writer. This dream comes from a deep need to express your ideas, share your stories with the world, and leave a legacy. But at the same time, you also find yourself feeding a fantasy of being a famous writer, with books on the bestseller list and instant fame.

The key lies in action. The true dream of being a writer requires constant dedication to the craft of writing, to improving technique, and to persistence in the face of difficulties. On the other hand, the fantasy seeks glamour, instant recognition, without the hard work that a writing career truly demands.

The Real Path to Clarity

Clarity arises when we stop seeking immediate satisfaction and begin investing in the process — in continuous effort and commitment to what truly matters. By making this distinction, we create space for deeper, more honest self-awareness, where our dreams become not only possible but achievable. It’s not about reaching an idealized goal but living and growing with every step of the journey.

Tip for Self-Reflection:

Ask yourself: What are my true dreams? Are they aligned with my deepest values, or am I just being drawn by external expectations? To help distinguish between dreams and fantasies, make a list of what you truly want to achieve. For each item on the list, write down what you’re willing to invest to make it a reality: time, effort, learning, sacrifices, etc. If you realize you’re not willing to invest anything but desire, it might be a fantasy, not a genuine dream.

Clarity comes when you dedicate yourself to the process, not just the immediate result. Instead of seeking instant satisfaction, look at the path you’re willing to walk. Self-awareness is built with the honesty of recognizing your true motivations and your real commitment to them.

2. Revisiting the Past: The Lost Dreams

“The past cannot be changed, but the future is in our choices, now!” — Marcello de Souza

Sometimes, the feeling of not knowing what we truly want in life is deeply connected to beliefs and barriers we’ve created over time. Our journey is marked by external influences — whether family, social, or cultural expectations — that obscure our true essence. But one of the most powerful ways to rediscover our true direction is to revisit the past and reflect on what we loved doing before we were shaped by those influences.

In childhood and adolescence, we were often more authentic, more connected to our passions and dreams. We remember a time when our desires weren’t tied to immediate results or fear of failure. What moved us was the genuine pleasure of doing something we truly loved. For example, perhaps as a child, you dreamed of exploring space. This doesn’t mean that at 40, you should become an astronaut, but rather that this passion for exploring the unknown could reveal a natural curiosity, an inclination to learn and discover.

However, time and life experiences begin to plant seeds of doubt and limiting beliefs. Psychology teaches us that limiting beliefs — those fixed ideas about ourselves and the world — are often formed in childhood when we are more impressionable. For example, a child who dreams of being an artist but is constantly told that “you can’t make a living from art” may internalize the belief that it’s impossible to follow that path, limiting their future choices.

These barriers don’t only come from external influences but also from how we interpret those influences. Our fears, insecurities, and need for social approval create filters that distort our worldview. Often, the inner critical voice becomes stronger than our own desires. And so, over the course of life, we adopt a worldview that may be far from what we truly want.

A famous study, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, followed hundreds of people throughout their lives, from childhood to old age. Researchers found that childhood dreams and desires rarely remained as aspirations in adulthood. While the study showed that choices and goals evolve, it also revealed that most participants never fully aligned with the dreams they had as young people. This doesn’t mean those dreams were completely lost, but rather that they transformed over time as people got to know themselves better, understood their true passions, and overcame the internal barriers they had created. The study illustrates how, over time, clarity about what we truly want often only emerges in adulthood — and for some, it’s a continuous process into old age.

What we often don’t realize is that these blockages, these “truths” we believe to be unquestionable, are actually mental constructs that can be rewritten. By becoming aware of these barriers, we can question whether they are truly grounded in reality or if they are just self-imposed limitations. Cognitive-behavioral psychology, for example, teaches us that by identifying and challenging these limiting beliefs, we can create new possibilities and open doors to self-awareness and personal transformation.

The difference between what we dream and what we manage to achieve often lies in what we believe is possible for ourselves. If we don’t believe we are capable of accomplishing something, our dreams become imprisoned, obscured by our own limited vision. However, by revisiting the past, we can recover clues about who we truly are and realize that many of our dreams were not lost, just forgotten or neglected.

It is also worth remembering that, many times, the true understanding of what we want emerges over time. Some of us only discover what truly moves us in adulthood, others perhaps only after 40 or even in old age. And, unfortunately, there are those who go through life without ever finding this clarity. This teaches us how essential it is to practice self-knowledge continuously and attentively.

Rediscovering our dreams and passions begins with a daily exercise of learning about ourselves. We need to dedicate ourselves to internal dialogue, understand our emotions, reflect on the choices we’ve made throughout our lives, and consider the path we’re walking. This process allows us to recognize what truly nourishes us and guides us toward a more authentic life.

However, it is important to remember that the answer to what we want may not only lie in the past. Often, it is saturated with noise, external influences, and expectations that have led us astray from our true selves. True clarity may reside in the present, in what warms our hearts and minds, what brings us pleasure and meaning to the present. What truly makes sense to us today is just as valid as what we used to desire in the past.

It is true that the past may or may not be a good starting point to understand what moves us, but it is in the now that we find the key to our future. Self-knowledge is not a destination, but a process that helps us honor our history and understand that everything is part of a continuous process of growth, understanding, and alignment with our deepest values and the reality to which we belong at this moment. Sometimes, the answer to what we truly want is closer than we think, within what we already feel inside ourselves.

For example, if in your adolescence, you dreamed of becoming a great musician, but over the course of life, you internalized the belief that “there’s no future in being a musician,” that dream may have been tucked away in a corner of your mind. By revisiting that desire from the past, you may realize that you don’t necessarily have to be a famous musician, but perhaps an amateur musician, a music teacher, or a composer for films. The difference lies in challenging the limiting beliefs that, in the past, made you believe that dream was not possible. This process of reframing can open up new possibilities, aligning your passions with the realities of the present moment.

Tip for Self-Reflection:

Ask yourself: What beliefs do I have about myself that prevent me from pursuing my true dreams? What internal limitations — whether fear, insecurity, or perceptions of what is “appropriate” — are blocking my potential? Reflect on what you loved doing in the past and identify if there’s anything you can do now to bring those desires back to the surface, even if in a different way. Remember that, often, by challenging the idea of “it’s not possible,” you can discover ways to make these dreams a reality in a more realistic and aligned way with the present moment.

The key to unlocking these lost dreams is becoming aware of our own mental blockages and, with courage, challenging these limiting beliefs. Moreover, if you do the proposed self-reflection and still can’t find something that really touches you, don’t despair. Know that many of our true desires have not yet been fully discovered. Therefore, being present and having a deep dialogue with yourself can make all the difference. By doing this, we can take the first steps toward building a reality more aligned with our deepest values and authentic desires.

3. The Importance of “I Don’t Want”: Setting Boundaries

“Almost always, what we don’t want is as revealing as what we want.”
— Marcello de Souza

When we find ourselves at an existential crossroads, where we don’t know what we want, there is a powerful tool that is often overlooked: the “I don’t want.” In our constant search for clarity, we often try to focus on discovering our desires and passions. However, the answer is not always solely in a clear desire, but in the conscious rejection of everything that does not serve our well-being and essence.

Psychology has shown that it is easier to identify what we don’t want than to clearly define what we truly seek. What bothers us, what harms us, or what steers us off our path contains invaluable value that can help us establish clear boundaries and guide us toward a more authentic future.

The fact is that every human being carries internal wisdom, which often only reveals itself when we experience discomfort or pain. Life, as a great teacher, often teaches its lessons through difficult experiences, which, no matter how painful, are powerful sources of self-knowledge. By reflecting on these moments, we can understand that what we no longer want is not a punishment, but a liberation from old patterns and choices that no longer resonate with who we truly are.

Cognitive psychology teaches us that when we can reflect on difficult experiences consciously, we can extract valuable lessons from them, instead of simply repeating the same mistakes. These lessons become starting points for redefining our goals, breaking cycles of self-sabotage, and aligning with what truly matters.

“I Don’t Want” as a Protected Boundary

When we talk about “I don’t want,” we are referring to something much deeper than simply rejecting what displeases us. It is an active process of self-protection, where we set clear boundaries to protect our emotional health, our time, and our energy. Setting boundaries is not a way to reject the world or others, but to honor our own truth.

“I don’t want” applies in various spheres of life: personal, professional, relational. How many times do we maintain relationships that are no longer healthy? Or stay in jobs that do not fulfill us? As we reflect on “I don’t want,” we begin to realize what truly matters, and in doing so, we can create space for the choices that align us with what is most meaningful.

It is worth remembering that Carl Jung, in his studies on individuation, emphasized the importance of integrating all parts of ourselves, including those we prefer to ignore. Jung said that what we reject often illuminates parts of our psyche that are waiting for recognition. By accepting “I don’t want,” we are creating space for what truly resonates with our essence.

Jung also stated that boundaries are not just a reflection of what we deny, but a form of self-affirmation. Setting what we don’t want is not an act of resistance, but of self-determination and self-love. When we can affirm what we don’t want, we are making a move towards what we truly need.

Challenges of Limiting Beliefs

Cognitive psychology, especially in the field of Cognitive-Behavioral Development (CBD), alerts us to the impact of limiting beliefs in our lives. Beliefs about what we should or shouldn’t accept often prevent us from establishing healthy boundaries. For example, the belief that we must please others at all costs or that we do not have the right to say “no” can lead to frustration and emotional exhaustion.

By consciously deciding to question these limiting beliefs, we begin to transform our perception of what is acceptable and make space for what truly matters. “I don’t want” thus becomes a tool of transformation, allowing us to break destructive cycles and restart our journey with more clarity and authenticity.

“I Don’t Want” in Practice: An Exercise in Self-Discovery

Reflecting on “I don’t want” requires deep self-reflection, a process of revisiting the past and understanding what has hurt or challenged us. This does not mean simply discarding or denying our difficult experiences, but understanding that each rejection is an opportunity to learn something valuable about ourselves.

Let’s imagine someone working in a toxic corporate environment, where competitiveness is excessive and interpersonal relationships are constantly disrespectful. When reflecting on what they don’t want in their professional life, this person might realize that what bothers them most is not just the working conditions, but the lack of real purpose, the pressure to please others, and the constant sense of burnout. With this awareness, they might begin to set clearer boundaries, such as refusing to participate in unproductive meetings or avoiding interactions that emotionally drain them. This is a practical example of how to identify “I don’t want” in your professional life and, from that, create the conditions to seek work that aligns more with your values and personal goals.

This practice also implies emotional openness. What we no longer want can be a lesson in self-love, a signal that it is time to change. “I don’t want” allows us to make a careful selection of experiences, relationships, and behaviors that are no longer useful. In doing so, we create space for choices that are more aligned with our deepest values.

The Danger of Ignoring “I Don’t Want”

We are often seduced by the idea that we must always seek “I want,” but the truth is that ignoring “I don’t want” can take us further away from ourselves. Rejection is not an act of failure, but of emotional intelligence. If we do not recognize what we don’t want, we risk falling into vicious cycles that take us farther from our true essence.

Therefore, “I don’t want” must be honored. It is a reflection of our boundaries, our energy, and our deepest values. By setting what we don’t want, we are, in fact, crystallizing our identity and creating a solid foundation for a more authentic life, aligned with our true desires.

“I Don’t Want” as a Path to Clarity

By learning to say “no,” we are not just rejecting what does not serve us, but also affirming what truly matters. “I don’t want” creates clarity, strength, and freedom for us to build a more authentic life. By embracing this process of self-knowledge, we are able to make more conscious choices and align our actions with what we truly want.
“I don’t want” is not a denial but a powerful affirmation of who we are and what we seek for our life. It leads us down a path of clarity and self-determination, allowing us, when we finally know what we want, to walk with confidence and authenticity.

Self-Reflection Tip:

Instead of simply thinking about the answers, allow yourself a deeper introspection. Ask yourself:

• What has been causing stress or frustration in my life?
Rather than just identifying external factors, explore what within you allows these situations to have such power over your peace. What in your history or internal beliefs might be nourishing this discomfort? Is it a recurring cycle? Is there internal resistance to something that needs to be accepted or changed?
• What situations, relationships, or behaviors do I no longer want to tolerate?
Go beyond the surface. Ask yourself: “Why did I allow this to continue in my life for so long?” It might be helpful to question your own beliefs about what is tolerable. Are there family or cultural patterns you have followed without questioning? Recognizing these patterns could be the first step in breaking them.
• Why have these situations become unsustainable for me?
Look at these situations not just as something you don’t want, but as a mirror of your deeper needs and values. What do these situations reveal about who you have been up until now? Is there a truth you have been avoiding facing? Identify not just what is wrong, but what it is trying to teach you about your past choices.
• What does this rejection teach me about my values and priorities?
Rejecting something is often an affirmation of a deeper value. Ask yourself, “What am I saying ‘yes’ to when I say ‘no’?” Your resistance may be a reflection of something you need to leave behind, but it may also be the key to what you truly value and desire for the future. Question whether your reaction comes from a place of fear or from a firm stance on what truly matters.

Reflection Challenge: To deepen your understanding, write in a journal: “If I weren’t afraid of disappointing others, how would I change my choices now?” This will reveal not only your resistances but also what you have set aside in the name of comfort or external approval.

4. Projecting the Future: Who Do You Want to Be?

“All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Some seek it through sensual pleasure, others through wisdom, but all seek happiness.” – Blaise Pascal

When we are faced with uncertainty about our goals, a powerful and transformative approach is to reflect on who we want to be, rather than just focusing on external goals. Instead of concentrating on results or others’ expectations, we can direct our attention to the kind of person we want to become. What traits do we want to cultivate in ourselves? What values do we want to live and express through our actions? This exercise not only connects us with our deepest selves but also leads us to visualize a more authentic version of ourselves.

An effective way to conduct this reflection is by using imagination: what if we were a fictional character? How would this character behave on a daily basis? What decisions would they make, and how would they handle life’s challenges? By playing with this idea, we can access our true essence and discover what we most aspire to cultivate on our journey. This is not just a daydream; it is a powerful tool that allows us to align our actions with our deepest desires.

By visualizing the person we want to be, we move away from external pressures and begin to act based on what truly matters to us. The process of building the “self” goes beyond rational decisions or tangible goals, being fueled by constant self-knowledge and internal transformation. By focusing on the journey of becoming the person capable of achieving our goals, we create a solid and authentic foundation that, over time, will naturally lead us to the results we seek.

The secret is to understand that the “self” we want to build is a reflection of internal choices. These decisions are deeply connected to our values, principles, and the way we choose to face adversities. Therefore, when we project who we want to be, we are, in practice, designing a future aligned with our truest essence.

Why Does This Work?

The power of focusing on who we wish to become, rather than just pursuing external goals, is deeply rooted in psychological and philosophical theories. It is not a fleeting motivation but an essential principle for lasting personal development.

Cognitive-behavioral psychology, for example, teaches us that our thoughts and beliefs shape our actions and emotions. By projecting who we want to be, we are changing our beliefs about ourselves, which directly impacts our decisions. This focus on building the “self” strengthens our self-confidence and guides us toward actions more aligned with our genuine intentions.

This approach is also connected to the theory of intrinsic motivation, proposed by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. The theory suggests that the most powerful motivation comes from within, from a genuine desire to become the best version of ourselves, not from external rewards or social pressures. By focusing on who we want to be, we are cultivating a more stable, authentic, and effective motivation in the long term.

The Origin of This Approach

This vision of projecting the future based on personal identity has deep roots in philosophical and psychological currents. Viktor Frankl, an existential philosopher, believed that the meaning of life comes from the search for a purpose aligned with our deepest being. For Frankl, the “will to meaning” is what guides us, especially in difficult times.

In humanistic psychology, Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers also emphasized the importance of self-actualization and authenticity. Maslow placed self-actualization at the top of his hierarchy of needs, highlighting that, by reaching our fullest potential, we become who we truly are. Rogers, in turn, spoke about the congruence between the “real self” and the “ideal self,” a fundamental condition for psychological well-being.

Contemporary coaching practices also use the visualization of the future identity as a tool for transformation, applied in personal, professional, and organizational contexts.

Why This is Fundamental

Focusing on who we want to be is not just a motivational technique; it is a deep path to lasting transformation. This focus on identity provides a solid foundation for facing challenges and making decisions more aligned with our true selves.

Firstly, it facilitates self-awareness. By asking ourselves who we want to be, we are reflecting on the deeper aspects of our personality, values, and desires. This helps us make clearer and more assertive decisions.

Additionally, the visualization of the ideal “self” is not just about goals, but about creating a powerful personal narrative, which serves as a continuous source of motivation. The future stops being abstract and becomes a natural extension of our evolution.

This process also helps us avoid procrastination and self-sabotage. When we align our daily actions with the “who we want to be,” our choices become more congruent. For example, if we wish to be more resilient, we can start practicing resilience in everyday life, cultivating habits that reinforce this trait.

Finally, this focus strengthens our emotional autonomy. By connecting with who we want to be, we are no longer guided by external expectations, but by our own values and desires. This gives us a sense of control and freedom.

Who Do You Want to Be?

When we are in a moment of uncertainty about the future, it is common to focus only on the results or goals we want to achieve. However, a more powerful and transformative approach is to focus on the kind of person we want to be. Instead of seeking vague or external goals, reflecting on the qualities and values we wish to cultivate within ourselves can help us align our actions in a more consistent and authentic way.

For example, imagine that throughout your life you have found yourself stuck in a job that doesn’t reflect your passions. Perhaps you have been a dedicated professional, but have always wanted to be someone more creative, more connected to the artistic side of life. Instead of just focusing on getting a promotion or changing jobs, ask yourself: who do you want to be?

You might see yourself as a creator or an innovative thinker, someone who not only performs tasks but also contributes ideas, leads projects with courage, and inspires others to think differently. Or perhaps, you want to be a calmer, more empathetic person, someone who seeks harmony both in their personal and professional life, but struggles to detach from external pressures. By envisioning this ideal version of yourself, you begin to better understand the path forward and the necessary changes to move closer to that vision.

Self-Reflection Tip:

Ask yourself: Who do I want to be in six months, 1, 3, 5, 10 years? Draw a timeline. How would this ideal version of myself behave on a daily basis? What values would be most important in this new version of me? By engaging in this reflection, you begin to identify concrete actions to shape this future “self.” This doesn’t mean losing yourself in a utopia, but rather creating a version of yourself that is possible and tangible.

Also ask yourself: What can I do today to start becoming this person? Every small daily action, no matter how simple it seems, is a crucial step in building the desired future. If you want to be more creative, start by exploring an artistic hobby or setting aside daily time to practice something creative, like writing, painting, or drawing. If your vision of the future involves more balance between professional and personal life, begin establishing clearer boundaries, even if gradually, whether to respect your rest time or to dedicate more attention to your family.

Every small action, no matter how simple, contributes to the continuous building of your transformation. As these choices accumulate, you will notice that you are more aligned with your most authentic version. The secret lies in cultivating this consistency in your daily life, allowing change to happen organically. By focusing on your daily actions, you are constantly shaping the most authentic and fulfilled version of yourself. Over time, you will see that these choices are the seeds of a future more aligned with your genuine desires.

5. The Journey Without Rush: Clarity Emerges When We Accept the Process

“Clarity is not a destination to be reached. It is the consequence of a process lived with patience, dedication, and, above all, respect for time and the necessary stages to arrive at a place of deep self-understanding.” – Marcello de Souza

Finding clarity when we don’t know what we want may seem paradoxical, but it is precisely in this uncertainty that the power of transformation lies. The real challenge is not speeding up the search or forcing quick answers, but embracing the process with confidence, understanding that by respecting our time and the natural stages of our growth, clarity emerges in a more authentic and lasting way. This final stage of the journey of self-knowledge calls us to understand that clarity is not something to be rushed, but rather a consequence of dedication to our own development.

Will the Race Lead Us to Our Best?

We live in a world that constantly pushes us to seek quick answers, to want everything defined here and now. The expectation that we must “know” immediately what we want, as if this were an essential requirement for success, can be a dangerous illusion. Hurry often prevents us from realizing that true learning, true self-knowledge, comes with time, in a patient process of self-exploration.

The fundamental question here is: will haste really lead us to our best version? True transformation does not come from speeding up the process but from constant dedication, without skipping important steps. Each phase of the journey of self-knowledge has its value and wisdom — and it is not the quick results that define us, but the commitment to the process and to our constant growth.

Excellence in the Process, Not in the Immediate Result

Respecting the process does not mean surrendering to passivity. On the contrary, it means doing the best within the possibilities of the present moment. Excellence is not in reaching a fixed point, but in actively engaging in the journey, giving your best at every step. The focus is on “how” and not just “where we want to go.” As we seek excellence in the process, we are building what will be our legacy — a legacy that will be reflected not only in tangible achievements but in the way we choose to live our journey.

The Legacy Built on the Path

Every step we take with patience and commitment builds something greater than an achieved goal: it builds our best version. And it’s worth remembering that, once a more evolved version of ourselves is reached, there will always be a new horizon to explore. The true journey never ends. The process of self-discovery and self-improvement is continuous, and each phase reached is only a milestone on the path of our constant evolution.

It’s not about reaching a point of perfection, but understanding that our best version is not a final version, but one in constant motion, always seeking more, always challenging itself, always wanting to go beyond. And when we look back, the true reward will not be the finish line, but the legacy we leave — a legacy of life lived with purpose, with integrity, and with dedication to always be our best version.

Imagine the story of an athlete who, when starting his career, feels the pressure to achieve quick results, to be recognized, and to win competitions early on. However, over time, he realizes that, in order to reach his true potential, he needs to respect his body, his limits, and the time required to perfect his technique. He understands that excellence does not come from the frantic pursuit of immediate victories, but from the patience to train consistently, learn from failures, and follow his own rhythm.

Over time, he becomes a better athlete, not because he chased quick results, but because he respected the process, evolving at each stage. Even after achieving great victories, he continues to seek his best version, knowing there is always something more to learn, always a new goal to achieve, and that the true legacy will be built by his continued dedication to the process. He may have won several competitions, but it is his respect for the journey that truly defines the lasting impact he leaves.

Final Tip for Reflection:

When the pressure to find quick answers or to define everything clearly and immediately starts to arise, stop and breathe. Ask yourself: “Am I seeking a quick result, or am I willing to respect the time and the process to achieve deeper and lasting clarity?” By focusing on the process and not just on the immediate result, you allow true clarity to emerge over time, and with it, the ability to create a legacy built on self-understanding, excellence, and constant evolution.

True clarity is not a goal to be hurried toward. It is revealed in the journey, in the patience with the process, and in the dedication to each step of the way. By respecting time and giving yourself permission to evolve constantly, you place yourself on the path to building a version of yourself that can always go further, and with each step taken, leaves a legacy of a life lived with purpose, wisdom, and excellence.

Life is in the Inner Listening

“True happiness does not depend on what you have, but on what you are capable of becoming.” — Marcello de Souza

In a world saturated with noise, where we are constantly influenced by external expectations, the journey of self-knowledge becomes more vital than ever. When we allow ourselves to stop and listen to what truly resides within, we realize that the path does not need to be linear, nor conditioned by the impositions of a society that tells us what we should want. Happiness and clarity do not come from the incessant pursuit of “having,” but from the ability to “be,” to allow ourselves to exist without the shackles of ideals and pre-established standards.

It is essential to understand that our feelings, often silenced by the rush of daily life, are powerful sources of information about who we really are. By learning to listen to our emotions and understand ourselves more deeply, we can identify what is real for us, distinguishing between genuine desires and what is imposed on us. This process of differentiation is the key to finding true clarity.

Happiness is not a fixed state or a final destination. It often arises in the ability to be at peace with uncertainty, to allow ourselves to be who we authentically are, without the pressure to have everything figured out. As the writer and philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti said: “True revolution is when you begin to understand yourself.”

If you feel lost or are having difficulty finding clarity, remember that there is no shame in seeking help. Professionals such as cognitive-behavioral developers (DCC), coaches, or behavioral therapists are excellent allies on the journey of self-knowledge. They are trained to help us understand our feelings, overcome internal barriers, and find true direction, providing essential support when the path seems unclear.

Therefore, true clarity does not come from quick answers or ready-made formulas. It comes from attentive listening to our own being, the courage to question external influences, and the willingness to reflect on our own feelings and desires. The first step is precisely this: stop, reflect, and ask yourself: What is truly mine? What makes me vibrate from the inside out?

Throughout this journey, do not expect to find all the answers at once. The process is continuous and dynamic, and it is precisely this search for understanding that transforms us. If you can, even for a moment, connect with your essence, you will have taken a big step toward true clarity.

And remember: you are not alone on this journey. With each reflection, with each step toward self-knowledge, you are getting closer to a life aligned with your deepest values and, consequently, more authentic and fulfilling. Because, in the end, the path is just as important as the destination.

Did you like what you read? I want to know your opinion! Leave your comment, share your reflections and experiences. How has your journey of self-knowledge been? What obstacles have you already overcome or are facing in your search for clarity and purpose? Let’s continue this conversation together!

Your voice is important, and I would love to hear from you! Let’s exchange ideas and learn together.

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