LIMITING BELIEFS: UNRAVELING AND SELF-TRANSFORMING

“Belief consists in the persistence of our experiential conceptions throughout life, which summates with our lived issues when grounded according to our interests believed to give meaning to our desiring condition, and subsists as an explanation of why things are as they are in light of our perspectives as beings, which may or may not be true, real, or correct.” (Marcello de Souza)

It is surprisingly difficult to deconstruct a belief once a person has constructed a fundamental reasoning supported by past connections. It is the previous relational experiences, starting from the beginning of existence at birth, that we build our present conceptions with life and that over time becomes very difficult to undo. At this point, we tend always to seek reasons and find coherence to support it. Although concrete arguments may be presented that contradict such beliefs, we tend at all times to justify them, creating or alleging, even from imprecise data.

One implication of this is that the more we examine our theories and explain how they may be correct, the more we limit ourselves to information that challenges our beliefs. This is so serious that a large part of our daily activities are judged and circumscribed based on issues that are not necessarily true or that have any real confirmation, reducing the field of possibilities in the face of our relationships with life. This is what we call, for example, confirmation bias.

This cognitive bias occurs when we tend to seek, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms our existing beliefs or hypotheses, while ignoring or minimizing information that may contradict them. This can lead to stagnation of thought and limit our ability to consider alternative perspectives or new information.

When we are stuck in cognitive bias, we may inadvertently reinforce our own beliefs, even if they are incorrect. This can have significant consequences in various areas of life, including personal decisions, relationships, professional, or even political.

The fact is that throughout life, we build theories that strengthen what we believe, giving a coherent explanation of such perspective. In this sense, an unconscious condition is established that reinforces the initially believed perspective. That is why our beliefs develop various mental triggers that are represented by biases, such as:

• Confirmation Bias: We tend to seek, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms our existing beliefs, ignoring or minimizing evidence that contradicts them.
• Availability Bias: We give more importance to information that is easily available in our memory, often overestimating its relevance and frequency in reality.
• Anchoring Bias: We tend to base our decisions and evaluations on an initial value (anchor), even if that value is arbitrary or irrelevant to the situation.
• Conservatism Bias: We have a tendency to maintain our current beliefs and perspectives, even when confronted with new evidence or information that contradicts them.
• Attribution Bias: We attribute causes and motives for other people’s behavior in a way that reflects our own beliefs and prejudices.
• False Consensus Bias: We tend to overestimate how much others agree with us, assuming that our own beliefs, values, and opinions are more common than they really are.
• Self-Serving Bias: We interpret situations in a way that benefits us or reinforces our positive self-image, avoiding responsibility for errors or failures.
• Hindsight Bias: We tend to perceive past events as having been more predictable than they actually were, now that we know the outcome.

These and many other triggers provided by our beliefs influence our decisions in subtle and often unconscious ways. Recognizing these patterns of thinking can help us critically examine our beliefs and make more informed decisions, which helps us minimize the risk of falling victim to our own fallacies. Therefore, it is necessary to understand that beliefs are so representative that the human mind, under certain conditions and motivators, is capable of constructing memories based on past similarities so that they can make more sense of the fact to a reality that may not necessarily have existed.

For example, a study conducted on memory and beliefs, conducted for over 30 years in the United States with witnesses of violent crimes, revealed surprising results. It was shown that once a negative first impression is formed about a defendant, it is unlikely that the witness will consider them innocent. In other words, we tend to take sides and persist in our internal beliefs, even in the face of facts and evidence that contradict our judgments. In fact, often the stories reported by witnesses were fallacious mental constructs.

Beliefs In Our Daily Lives

Let’s approach the situation differently: Alice and João met in a professional environment and decided to start a romantic relationship. Both have healthy self-esteem and do not carry significant past traumas. However, their family backgrounds have shaped their underlying beliefs in profound ways, and if not recognized and confronted, they can lead to toxic behavioral patterns.

Alice grew up in an environment where open communication and healthy confrontation were encouraged. From an early age, she learned the importance of expressing her feelings and resolving conflicts directly. On the other hand, João was raised in an environment where conflict was avoided at all costs, and expressing negative emotions was seen as weakness. Unfortunately, his family exemplified what can be called a dysfunctional family environment.

As their relationship progresses, inevitable misunderstandings arise. Alice, faithful to her beliefs, tries to address issues head-on, clearly communicating her feelings and seeking solutions together. However, João, influenced by his beliefs of avoiding conflict at all costs, responds by emotionally withdrawing and avoiding discussing the issues.

Over time, this difference in conflict resolution approaches creates resentment and frustration in Alice, who feels undervalued and unheard. On the other hand, João feels suffocated by Alice’s constant need to resolve issues and ends up emotionally distancing himself to avoid uncomfortable confrontations.

Although both are psychologically healthy, their underlying beliefs about how to handle conflicts and express emotions begin to generate unresolved issues. This, in turn, creates an atmosphere conducive to each imagining problems that are not even part of reality. As a result, the lack of dialogue and mutual understanding leads to toxic behavioral patterns, where discussions deviate from the real problem, and avoiding facing them directly gradually undermines the relationship.

I hope you understand that our beliefs generate expectations that significantly affect how we perceive and interpret events in our lives. Over time, we become prisoners of our own thought patterns.

To understand who we really are, and what perspective we can have in our relationships with life, it is necessary to understand that beliefs are the formatting of the fundamental pillars that make us who we are. We are beliefs, and that is why our “Prejudices” control our interpretations, the field of possibilities with life, as well as our own memories.

The truth is that what we see as life is nothing more than our perceptions based on our representations formed by our beliefs, meaning they are responsible for our previous interpretations in our relationships. Which, in turn, shape the new interpretations and so on, successively. It is the filter of our patterns concerning our temporal perspectives, between the past, present, and future. Our beliefs are our references in the face of our choices. We stop giving chance to other circumstances for the same issue because our beliefs, when not challenged, become increasingly intuitively selective.

“Beliefs are directly related to emotions, and the construction of our thoughts undergo uninterrupted interventions from our beliefs concerning the representations that make us present.” (Marcello de Souza)

Beliefs Can Lead Us To Make Decisions Based On Illusory Facts

Yes! I know it sounds repetitive since I have already talked about bias and fallacies, among other issues that explain this assertion. But I want to go further. Beliefs can lead us to make decisions based on illusory facts. Because of our beliefs, we often underestimate the accuracy of our judgment. We tend to believe that we are right and that we succeed much more than we fail, making it difficult for us to be impartial when we have to make decisions. The apparent validity of our judgments also extends to estimates of our current consciousness.

The fact of being present with ourselves consists of tending to seek information that confirms our preconceptions formed by our beliefs. In fact, the great difficulty of life is precisely that we cannot, through our experiences, have a more realistic high assessment. If there is no introspective permissibility, we will continue to maintain excessive and imprudent confidence in our beliefs, and then we begin to excessively value our decisions as true, considering them correct. That is why we are constantly seeking to relate to what helps us maintain a positive self-image.

The fact is that human beings by nature seek to facilitate their decisions, and this lack of awareness of the deliberations promoted is a very connected psychic difficulty. So strong that we have a lot of difficulty in self-contradiction. We spare no effort to defend ourselves from everything that exposes the idea of vulnerability that we carry through our own conceptions as beings, and this is a determining factor for the quality of life itself.

This defense distances us from exploring and knowing other perspectives that go beyond those we believe. It represents an impetuous fallacy in the human psyche, which aims not only to give a mistaken sense of protection (real or imaginary) but also to serve as a kind of sentimental filter. The most important question to understand about this is that by subjecting ourselves to this fallacy, we do not give contingency to life, and this distances us more and more from reality itself. All this socio-cognitive condition we are talking about is obviously directly related to the formation of our memory.

The Role of Our Memories Regarding Our Beliefs

Memory plays a fundamental role in our lives, not only as a purely biological or psychological issue, but also social. We rely on memory, as it allows us to perform tasks from basic daily activities, such as eating and hygiene, to more complex activities, such as work and navigation.

It is also responsible for our learning, and fixing concepts, procedures, or complex theories. It is fundamental for our protection because throughout life, we build a list of dangers and situations that have led us to feel pain and suffering, to which we can subject ourselves and in which we can get involved in certain situations. It often ensures physical survival and emotional well-being. It is also the mnemonic capacity that allows us to connect information and transmit our stories – both collective and personal. It offers the outline of our identity, allowing us to even plan the future. Brain areas involved in producing projections and planning are the same as those used in maintaining memories and our beliefs.

In short, it can be said that memory represents a space where information is stored and can be retrieved when necessary. However, this space is finite, it is not possible to archive all the information obtained during life, and for this reason, part of this information is lost. In other words, memories do not record information like in a movie, but rather emotional and sentimental fragments. Our memories are not faithful copies that remain stored. When trying to retrieve a memory, we reconstruct it, and this reconstruction is influenced by the emotions present at the moment.

The memory of an event is not a literal reconstitution of the event, but rather a reconstruction influenced by the current identity of the person. When seeking past information, we are subject to retrospective reasoning, in which memories are represented according to the relationships established at the present moment. In no case is the memory of a lived event a literal restitution of the original event.

It is important to note that many events in our lives, especially the most traumatic ones, may lose visual images over time, while the feelings and emotions associated with these events remain intact. This “forgetting” of the traumatic image normally occurs as a protective action of the unconscious itself. This distinction is crucial in understanding how memories shape our beliefs and influence our future perspectives. While visual images may fade or be blocked unconsciously, the emotional aspects of these memories have a powerful influence on our perceptions and behaviors.

Studies in psychology and neuroscience show that intense emotional and sentimental memories are stored more vividly and durably in our minds, due to the activation of brain areas associated with emotions during events. These memories are often accessed unconsciously and can shape our responses to similar situations in the future. For example, a traumatic event in childhood can lead to intense emotional and sentimental responses, disorders, and even phobias in situations that somehow evoke similarities to the original event.

Therefore, our memories are continuous active reconstructions, influenced not only by the original event but also by our experiences, knowledge, and current situations. This dynamic of relational reconstruction can lead to distortions and false memories, especially when the sensations present at the time of memory retrieval are intense. In other words, it is essential to recognize the central role of memories in our lives and how they shape our beliefs and perspectives. By better understanding this interaction between memory, feeling, and emotion, we can develop more effective strategies to deal with limiting issues as well as past traumatic events and build a more positive and healthy future.

It is a reconstruction that operates based on the current identity feeling of the subject – their desires, goals, and beliefs – their knowledge, and the specific details available. Being ambiguous and fragmented, we extract and transform them in the way that interests us to adapt to occasional needs. We constantly review these fragments unconsciously to adapt them to experiences, our knowledge, and current state.

It is common to find ourselves reinterpreting past events to justify our current feelings and actions, especially in relation to intrapersonal relationships. In many cases, we can create narratives that blame others or distort reality to align with our emotional needs or even to justify morally questionable behaviors, including creating false situational memories.

For example, in relationship breakup situations, it is common for a person to blame the partner, highlighting their flaws or negative behaviors, in order to validate their own decision or minimize the emotional pain associated with the separation. Similarly, in cases of betrayal, the individual may resort to selective revision of past events, highlighting supposed dissatisfaction or inadequacies in the relationship as justification for their unfaithful behavior.

This tendency to reinterpret the past can be explained by psychological defense mechanisms, such as rationalization and denial, which aim to preserve our self-image and reduce cognitive dissonance. However, it is important to recognize how these processes can affect not only our interpersonal relationships but also our own moral and emotional integrity.

What I want you to understand is that it becomes essential to cultivate greater awareness of our own patterns of thinking and behavior, as well as a more reflective and responsible approach in our interpersonal interactions. By recognizing and confronting our own tendencies to reinterpret the past, we can promote more authentic, empathetic relationships based on truth, contributing to greater personal growth and greater harmony in human relationships.

For example, let’s suppose that a person, called Ana, experienced a traumatic event in childhood, such as a car accident with the family while going to a Christmas party with other relatives. Although she may not remember the specific details of the accident or the exact circumstances, the feelings of fear, anxiety, and helplessness she experienced at the time may still persist in her unconscious.

These feelings of fear and anxiety can deeply shape her perception and behavior in interpersonal relationships during adulthood. For example, Ana may experience an aversion to commitment, constantly seek approval from others, or even adopt controlling or manipulative relationship patterns as unconscious defense mechanisms. The origin of these patterns may be rooted in past trauma, where she learned to associate intimacy or emotional attachment with feelings of danger and insecurity.

These patterns can manifest themselves in various ways in her adult life. For example, Ana may feel fear, nervousness, or distress when boarding a plane for a vacation trip, she may avoid situations that remind her of the circumstances that led to the event, such as participating in a simple family gathering, or even being unable to relate healthily with another person she maintains a romantic relationship with. Even if she cannot consciously identify the origin of these feelings, her mind seeks relationships with events that somehow resemble the past trauma. This can influence situations that, from an external perspective, seem to have no relation to the traumatic event.

Recognizing past experiences, especially those marked by trauma, can shape our relationship patterns and contribute to the dynamics of toxic relationships. Understanding these patterns can be the first step in seeking help and initiating a process of healing and personal growth.

This dynamic helps explain why many people who are afraid of flying have never experienced a plane crash or similar trauma. The same principle applies to various disorders and phobias, or even healthy relationships that have become toxic. The influence of the feelings and emotions associated with past events can shape Ana’s life choices, her interpersonal relationships, and her worldview, even if she does not consciously remember the traumatic event itself.

I hope that by now I have illustrated how emotional memories can have a significant impact on our lives, even if the specific details of past events have been forgotten. Throughout this article, I hope I have already been able to clearly explore the role of emotional memories in our lives and how they influence our beliefs, behaviors, and relationships, both interpersonal and intrapersonal. From how we store and reconstruct our memories to how they shape our emotional and sentimental responses, it is clear that memories have a profound impact on our life experience.

It is essential to recognize the importance of dealing with our memories, as they contain feelings and emotions, both in our relationships with others and in our relationship with ourselves. By understanding how our past experiences influence our interactions with others and our self-image, we can begin to unravel harmful patterns of thinking and behavior and seek strategies to promote healthier relationships and a more positive intrapersonal relationship.

Therefore, I insist that we must strive to cultivate greater awareness of our own memories and develop skills to deal with them constructively; we can strengthen our relationships and promote greater self-understanding, authenticity, and self-acceptance. By recognizing and honoring the influence of our experiences on our relationships with others and ourselves, we can empower ourselves to live a more meaningful, satisfying, and harmonious life, both on a personal and interpersonal level.

Planning For The Future Seems To Demand Much More Creativity

In this sense, at first glance, planning for the future seems to require much more creativity: we need to “invent” plausible facts and details and find time and a place compatible with our realities and desires. This process does not seem to differ much from remembering, but they are related because planning for the future requires a past relational perspective. The vaguer our memories of lived experiences are, the more we tend to build arguments to fill in the gaps, as usually happens. With the exception of traumatic situations, current feelings guide our memories, modifying them to suit our current interests. The truth is that our recollections are more fragile than we can imagine, and beliefs are a fundamental part of this construction and deconstruction.

The fact is that we all have this totalitarian being within us, which constantly revises the past to adapt it to our opinions, interests, and current emotions. It consists of building our thoughts in a cause-and-effect relationship between the real and the unreal, and this influences future decisions.

Beliefs are useful due to their psychic nature, which seeks to simplify thinking and optimize time and energy. However, they are prone to failure. Therefore, they rely on simple thought strategies in forming their impressions. Despite facilitating, making sense, and automating many of our actions, they are flawed. They are formulations based on empirical rules that are often efficient but fallible. They judge the probabilities of things in terms of availability given our experiences; in other words, the most accessible information in our minds at a given moment is more likely to be considered relevant information to ignore other information, and the connoted sense is then contextualized.

Beliefs Are Also Responsible for Rumors

Beliefs are also responsible for rumors. Not only to trust them but also to create them. Rumors consist of a story proposed to be believed, of which there is no guarantee of evidence. Rumors spread according to the subjective importance and objective ambiguity of their content, and in their process of construction and expansion, they undergo a transformation based on gestalt principles of perception of things. A specific proposition to believe.

Rumors are nothing more than a peculiar hypothesis to believe, which is passed from person to person in various relational contexts, whether through digital communication, social interactions, or even through symbols and images, and which has no certain evidence to prove it. In fact, rumors have their connotation in personal motives and in the end serve, in some way, as secondary gains, whether caused by desire, fear, hostility, insecurity, mistakes, gains, etc., to potentially interlocutors and also to their transmitters. In addition, their ambiguity may derive from the fragmentary, disjointed, decontextualized, scattered, or contradictory character, from facts or subjective dispositions.

Furthermore, rumors fulfill some important social functions such as emotional and cognitive. In their transmission, there is a dynamic of cognitive organization oriented to reduce the initial stimulus situation to a questioning, meaningful structure according to the motivations of the subjects who perceive it. Rumors tend to shorten certain thought structures, making them more concise, and therefore abstain from other facts and relational perceptions. Therefore, their narration is limited to details of a larger context; in other words, although the source of the message may be correct, some specific details are kept and others are removed during any transmission, and in other cases, only the points of singular interest are emphasized. This gives the option to represent a gestalt phenomenon where the subject restructures the content, formatting it to make it more congruent with the intentional theme, all according to personal interests.

Beliefs have to do with the unique conception present in each one of us. We are governed by our perceptions of the world, and therefore it becomes clear that we are not purely cognitive beings but rather motivational. The fact of perceiving is limited to where our beliefs allow us to go, and this is what enables us to achieve some objective with the conception. Judgment is not a unique cognitive representation aimed solely at preserving its limits, but rather it is something that is motivated to tactically choose between various possible strategies, according to the objectives fostered by what effectively brings meaning to each one. Meaning is an uninterrupted part consistent with lived experiences, which are the foundations of the constant expansion and reconstruction of our beliefs.

The greater the possibility of experiencing life, the more opportunities we are presenting ourselves, and with this, more arguments are built regarding the choices we make, and in other words, more experience represents a greater capacity to value our relationships.

The permissibility of experiencing is represented by the quantity between cognition and relational perception with the world, and it occurs almost always automatically, hence its importance, since our own strategies are built long before we are aware of them. However, this does not mean that through the allocation of focus, the condition of being present, attention and the chance to change introspective agreements cannot be given, giving greater meaning to other objectives and goals.

We are not robots, and therefore, cannot behave like one. In this sense, experiencing life and interpersonal relationships are fundamental. Human relationships give us the chance to understand diversity in the face of social plurality, and with this, we perceive others in order to understand ourselves. Why? To know what to expect from others in relation to ourselves and to realize that not all beliefs are true.

The permissibility of relating also motivates us to know that there is not always convergence in ideals, desires, and even in the proposal of a good life. Relationships help us better interpret this human singularity, which in fact represents a desiring and complex plurality of beliefs where no one is right in the same way that they are not wrong, that everything is a matter of contingency, and then, despite similarities, it becomes possible to perceive that we are exclusively unique beings biologically and psychologically speaking. Not only that, but also exclusive are our thoughts, relationships, affections, desires, and moments in life.

Although man has advanced incredibly in some fields, in psychosocial aspects, very little has been done, not even in interpersonal relationships or in our social thinking. On the contrary, with great ease, we are bombarded with our own truths, rumors, and conjectures, which disorient our perceptions as human beings. In the everyday social life, this whirlwind of beliefs is even stronger and more biased than passable, and what is worse, false impressions of interpretations coming from beliefs we are trained to experience can have serious consequences, besides being limiting, it harms us in valuing ourselves, confining life itself, dreams, desires, and achieving our own wishes.

In contrast, it is necessary to understand that thought is adaptive, and often errors are a secondary product of our strategies to simplify the complex information we receive. Despite all the pitfalls, our ability to mentally overcome our own body, space, and time is extremely developed. Over the course of evolution, this ability has proven to be obviously very useful and efficient. The very making of a utilitarian stone tool would be unthinkable without there being a determination for its future use in relation to the greater purpose of supremacy. The system may not be perfect, but it has given us a great advantage for survival, and from an evolutionary point of view, that makes all the difference and therefore, we are always capable of overcoming our own beliefs.

“Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum.” 

(I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am – René Descartes)

It is not possible to be again what we once were, but it is possible to resignify our beliefs simply by allowing new perspectives for our own improvement. Reality is only reality in perceived moments. Thus, our fantasies about the future remain fixed in memory, and what we imagine one day we can later resume and modify as we wish. We don’t need to be slaves to our beliefs. For that, the connections of each engram, based on real experiences, do not need to change dramatically, but it is necessary to be aware that our beliefs are mere perspectives for the new and therefore they simply demonstrate that there are others and still others.

Everything is a matter of perspective. Of the way of looking! Even in the face of our cognitive biases, there is the opportunity to also become adaptable, and although this may seem difficult, it is possible to develop our perceptions better by doubting what we understand as truth.

“It is necessary that at least once in life you doubt, as much as possible, of all things.” (René Descartes)

Truths are always paradoxical, and what made sense to some will not necessarily make sense to others, and what was true at one moment will not necessarily be true at another, after all, there is no instant like another in the same way that each one experiences life in their unique way of being. Beliefs represent who we are and in the same way that they can limit us, we can also rebut them to be much more. That is why, above all, it is necessary to understand that in life there is only one certainty, that it is true that nothing is true, and that everything depends on the way we are willing to observe it – Simple as that!

“What am I? A thinking substance. What is a thinking substance? Something that doubts, conceives, affirms, denies, wants, does not want, imagines, and feels.” (René Descartes)

To assist you, I present below 10 reflective questions designed to help you start exploring your beliefs, identify patterns of thought and behavior, and consider ways to promote greater personal growth and self-awareness:

1. What are some of the beliefs you identify in your life that shape your worldview and your interactions with others?

– Tip: List at least three main beliefs that you perceive influence your daily actions and thoughts.

2. How did these beliefs form in your mind over time? Were they influenced by past experiences, family values, education, or other sources?

– Tip: Reflect on the specific events or moments in your life that contributed to the formation of your beliefs. Consider how these influences shaped your current perspective.

3. Have you ever had an experience where your beliefs were challenged? How did you react to that situation and how did it affect your perspectives?

– Tip: Think of a situation where your beliefs were questioned. How did you deal with it? Was there any change in your perspectives as a result of this challenge?

4. What role do your beliefs play in the way you make decisions in your personal and professional life?

– Tip: Consider how your beliefs influence your daily choices, from small decisions to major life changes.

5. Can you identify any limiting beliefs that may be restricting your potential or hindering your growth? What are they and how do they impact your actions and choices?

– Tip: Look for patterns of thought or behavior that may be limiting your opportunities for growth. Identify beliefs that prevent you from achieving your goals.

6. What steps could you take to challenge these limiting beliefs and make room for new perspectives and possibilities in your life?

– Tip: Explore ways to actively question your limiting beliefs and consider how you can replace them with more empowering thoughts.

7. How can you cultivate greater awareness of your beliefs and their effects on your daily life?

– Tip: Try mindfulness techniques or journaling to help increase your awareness of thoughts and thought patterns.

8. Are you open to considering different viewpoints and challenging your existing beliefs?

– Tip: Practice empathy and be willing to listen to perspectives different from your own. Be open to continuous learning and change.

9. How could you apply the ideas and insights from this text in your daily life to promote greater self-awareness and personal growth?

– Tip: Think of specific ways to integrate the concepts discussed in this text into your daily reflection and personal development practices.

10. What specific actions can you take right now to start acting on your new insights and perspectives on your beliefs and your life in general?

– Tip: Set tangible goals based on your reflections and take concrete steps to implement them in your daily life.

In addition to reflective questions, you may consider adding some practical activity suggestions for you to explore your beliefs more concretely. Here are some ideas:

1. Belief Mapping: Create a visual map of your beliefs, identifying core beliefs and how they connect to each other. This can be done by drawing circles to represent each belief and lines connecting related beliefs.

2. Belief Interview: Conduct an interview with yourself or with a partner, exploring questions about your beliefs, such as their origin, influences, and impact on your lives.

3. Affirmation Writing: Write a list of positive affirmations that contradict your limiting beliefs. You can read these affirmations daily to reinforce a more positive mindset.

4. Perspective Challenge: Choose a specific belief that you want to challenge and actively seek evidence that contradicts that belief. This can help you broaden your view and consider different perspectives.

5. Visualization Exercise: Guide readers to close their eyes and visualize themselves living a life without the constraints of their limiting beliefs. This can help you emotionally connect with the potential for change.

6. Discussion Group: Encourage readers to participate in discussion groups or online communities where they can share their experiences, challenges, and insights about their beliefs. Exchanging ideas with others can be enriching and inspiring.

By including practical activities, you provide readers with tangible tools to apply the concepts discussed in the text to their lives, making the reading experience more engaging and impactful.

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