LIVE ON YOUR OWN TERMS

In the vastness of contemporary life, we are continuously absorbed by a spectacle of images and representations that define and shape us. A society governed by the relentless pursuit of external validation, where appearance, consumption, and collective acceptance become the primary indicators of value. This is the scenario imposed upon us: a spectacle where we are both spectators and, often, secondary characters, living according to the expectations that surround us. But amidst this whirlwind of fabricated images and idealized lives, a question echoes in the depths of our souls: where is our ability to be the authors of our own stories?

Guy Debord already pointed out in 1967 that the contemporary world would be referenced as The Society of the Spectacle, not merely as a parade of images but as a structure of power that shapes our perception of reality. What should be directly lived and experienced transforms into representation—something to be consumed, validated, and amplified. The spectacle is a mechanism that alienates us from our essence, distancing us from the genuine experience of life and pushing us towards the creation of an identity that is not our own but conforms to the norms and standards imposed by a society that reduces life to a commodity. In a world where everything has become an image, where authenticity is lost amid the consumption of manufactured perfections, how can we reclaim the power to live on our own terms?

Zygmunt Bauman, with his analysis of liquid society, also warned us about the fragility of relationships and the volatility of values that compose this reality. We live in a world where fluidity and instability make us vulnerable, where the search for a safe place forces us to adapt to a collective mold, losing our ability to act according to our own reason—what he later called liquid morality. But this is precisely where the real challenge reappears: how can we regain our ability to choose? How can we reclaim our autonomy and once again become the masters of our own lives, free from the impositions of a system that forces us to live according to others?

Spinoza’s philosophy provides us with insight into this liberation. For him, true freedom is not the absence of restrictions but the ability to live in accordance with our reason, with our deepest essence. True human power does not lie in following the world’s expectations, but in being able to act according to our own values, in creating a life that is genuinely ours. The freedom to be who we truly are, to write our own story without the constraints of a pre-established script, is what allows us to regain our dignity and our power of choice.

Spinoza’s idea of self-knowledge directly aligns with the concept of living according to our own terms, as proposed in the text. For him, understanding our own nature and emotions is essential to acting authentically and rationally, rather than being a hostage to our passions or social expectations.

Spinoza believes that, when we manage to understand our own nature and the internal mechanisms that move us, we can achieve a deeper and more lasting form of freedom, one that does not depend on external influences. This is very much in line with the idea of living authentically, in harmony with what is essential to us, as we will see next.

Spinoza’s view is extremely relevant when discussing how to overcome the “same-ness” and embrace true freedom — the freedom that comes from self-knowledge and alignment with our own nature, without submitting to external pressures or societal conventions.

The question, therefore, is no longer about what society expects from us, but about what we want for our lives. How can we be the authors of this narrative, the creators of our own stories, in a world that constantly tries to define us? The revolution begins within us, when we decide to resist external pressure and return to our true essence. True freedom is not about being accepted by the spectacle; it resides in our ability to remain faithful to ourselves, to live according to our own terms.

In this article, we will explore the implications of this true revolution. How can we, in a world saturated with images and representations, reclaim autonomy over our lives? How can we, in the face of a system that tries to erase our individuality, reconnect with our true potential? Philosophy offers us answers, but the path to authentic living requires courage. It is a path that begins with the simple yet powerful decision to be the author of our own life.

Success Beyond Conventions

The relentless pursuit of “success” imposed by our society ends up distorting the true meaning of living fully. As we all seek recognition and validation, we become trapped in external standards, whose metrics of success are determined by factors that have nothing to do with our essence.

Not surprisingly, and as already mentioned, the great question that arises is: how do we reclaim the power of choice? How do we break free from the shackles of imposed “success” and take back the reins of our own lives? The answer to this question is not external but within us. Looking back in time, we can start with the Stoics, who pointed out that the key lies in something that is always in our hands: the ability to control our own thoughts, choices, and attitudes toward circumstances. As Epictetus teaches us: “It is not things that disturb us, but our opinion about them.” In other words, true freedom, and consequently true success, is achieved when we realize with clarity that the world we choose to live in is the world we also choose to create. It is no coincidence that this represents how we react to life’s challenges when we become the curators of our own destiny.

The path to this liberation involves the awareness that we are not victims of circumstances. The traditional view of success, based on external achievements and standards of acceptance, is deeply rooted in a reductionist and superficial perspective of human existence. Just as philosophers like Socrates and Nietzsche have already warned us about the dangers of living to please others, of measuring our lives by external approval. Socrates stated that “an unexamined life is not worth living,” emphasizing that true success is not in seeking others’ validation but in living according to our own inner truth, being the protagonists of our own story. On the other hand, Nietzsche, with his bold “Become who you are”, challenges us to abandon conventions and embrace our individuality, even if it means breaking with societal expectations and living on the margins of what is “normal.”

And this is where we enter the field of practical questions and the application of philosophy to everyday psychology. In order to truly achieve this authentic success, it is necessary to abandon the idea of an imposed success—an “external” success—and engage in a journey of self-knowledge. Martin Seligman, one of the leading figures in positive psychology, argues that true well-being—and therefore, true success—is not measured by material achievements but by a set of five fundamental elements: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. His PERMA theory suggests that genuine success is one that transcends societal expectations and is defined by our ability to live aligned with our deepest values and desires.

In this sense, I hope it is clear that true success lies in what reflects our essence. It is not found in external metrics such as fame or wealth but in living a life of meaning, where we are true to ourselves. And from this perspective, the question is no longer “What is success for others?” but rather “What does it mean to be the author of my own life?” How can we regain autonomy and the ability to write our story without being prisoners of a pre-established script dictated by society?

True freedom lies in acting according to our own reason and not according to the external conventions imposed by the world. Success, then, ceases to be a pursuit of external standards and becomes an exercise in deep alignment with who we are at our core.

By abandoning conventions and returning to what is most genuine within us, we reclaim the power of choice. This is the first step toward a true internal revolution, where we will be able to live according to our own terms and write our story in a unique and authentic way.

The Risk of Pursuing Traditional Success

It is also a fact that we live in an era marked by exhaustion. Modern society has established a model of success based on accumulation: more money, more recognition, more productivity. The promise is that by reaching these milestones, we will finally find happiness and fulfillment. But does this really happen?

The numbers reveal another reality. The relentless pursuit of status and external validation has led to an unprecedented increase in mental disorders, chronic anxiety, and professional burnout. Instead of fulfillment, what we find is a sick society.

The mental health crisis is one of the greatest challenges of our time. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 280 million people suffer from depression worldwide, and this number continues to grow. Depression is already the leading cause of global disability, and it is projected that by 2030, it will be the most impactful disease on quality of life, affecting 450 million people.

In Brazil, the numbers are even more alarming. A report from Ipsos (2023) revealed that 53% of Brazilians report frequently feeling stressed, placing the country at the top of the global stress ranking. Furthermore:

• Brazil is the most anxious country in the world, according to the WHO, with 18.6 million people suffering from diagnosed anxiety disorders.
• Between 2015 and 2021, the consumption of anxiolytics grew by 77%, according to data from the Brazilian Association of Generic Pharmaceutical Industries (PróGenéricos).
• According to the Ministry of Social Security, in 2023, 288,865 disability benefits were granted due to mental and behavioral disorders—a 38% increase from 2022.

Clearly, these numbers have multiple causes—from socioeconomic factors to political crises and changes in the work dynamic. However, a significant part of this scenario is directly related to the performance culture and the obsession with success.

A study published by the Harvard Business Review showed that people who tie their identity exclusively to work have higher levels of stress, insomnia, and depressive symptoms. The reason? They enter a cycle where self-worth is measured only by external achievements, creating a permanent existential void.

The Trap of External Validation and the Exhaustion Cycle

The great paradox of modern success is that it rarely brings lasting satisfaction. On the contrary, it imposes a model where the pursuit is never-ending. The logic is always the same:

• You achieve one goal, but soon you need another, bigger one.
• You accomplish something, but the sense of fulfillment lasts only briefly.
• You are recognized, but soon feel the need to prove your worth again.

This cycle is not only mentally exhausting—it also has physical impacts. A study by the American Psychological Association (APA) revealed that chronic stress, resulting from performance pressure, increases the risk of cardiovascular disease by 23% and can reduce life expectancy by at least two years.

This pattern also affects the health of organizations. The People at Work 2023 study, by the ADP Research Institute, showed that:

• 63% of Brazilians don’t think their managers are prepared to discuss mental health at work.
• 44% suffer from insomnia, and 60% are sedentary, reflecting the effects of corporate stress.
• The culture of “hustle” and hyper-productivity is leading to an increasing number of emotionally exhausted workers.

What we are witnessing, in practice, is the collective exhaustion of a society that measures human value solely by performance. But the essential question remains: why do we insist on a model that destroys us?

The Anguish of Identity in the Modern World

This phenomenon is not new. Philosophers like Sartre and Nietzsche already warned us about the risks of living according to external standards.

Sartre spoke of the “angst of freedom”—the moment we realize that we are responsible for our own choices and that, by following imposed standards, we deny our true identity. When we live only to meet societal expectations, we are, in fact, running away from ourselves.

Nietzsche, in turn, criticized the “herd morality,” a concept that describes how society imposes a collective morality that suppresses individuality in the name of acceptance. For him, true human greatness lies not in following established norms but in challenging them and building our own morality. Being authentic, in a world that demands conformity, is an act of resistance.

If we apply these reflections to our current context, we see a clear pattern: the obsession with traditional success is nothing more than a modern form of imprisonment. In a world saturated with external expectations, being authentic is not a simple task. The problem is not only the weight of these demands, but the fact that we often don’t even realize that we are trapped by them.

Here arises a crucial question: how do we differentiate what we truly want from what we have learned to desire?

To understand, we need to return to the clarity that we live in a society that constantly imposes a pre-determined script, where “success” is measured superficially—from material achievements to a lifestyle that imitates others, packaged as a promise of acceptance and belonging. But these goals are not necessarily ours. They are often merely reflections of societal expectations that we internalized without question.

However, the more we follow this script, the further we get from what truly makes sense to us. The concept of success imposed on us is not limited to financial or material metrics; it includes a set of behaviors, attitudes, and expected choices, which are not always aligned with our essence. The risk? A lifetime lived to meet external standards, without ever finding genuine fulfillment.

The journey towards authenticity begins with a profound awareness of our own values and desires. We cannot live according to what is expected of us if we don’t know what truly matters to us.

This is where Martin Seligman’s Well-Being Theory comes in. In his research, Seligman highlights that genuine happiness does not come from material possessions or fulfilling social expectations, but from the ability to live a life aligned with what truly matters to each individual. He proposes that, by focusing on elements like engagement and meaning, we can cultivate lasting well-being, resulting from self-knowledge and authenticity, not from simply achieving external goals.

When we become aware of the external influences shaping our choices, we can begin to take a more active stance in relation to our own lives. Autonomy becomes a fundamental principle for taking control of our journey. This involves not only challenging external norms but also investing in the constant process of self-discovery, finding what drives us, what motivates us, and what gives us purpose.

Living authentically is, therefore, an act of courage. It is challenging the pressures of a world that constantly tries to fit us into a mold. By aligning with who we truly are, we can not only live more fully but also contribute to building a more genuine world, where success is measured by our ability to be true to ourselves.

The Journey of Self-Knowledge: Overcoming “Sameness”

The search for true autonomy and authenticity, however, is not a simple path. Zygmunt Bauman, in his analysis of contemporary society, reminds us that we live in a liquid world, where fluidity and inconsistency are the only certainties. In this ever-changing reality, the need for a “safe place” often leads us to passive postures, accepting reality as it is, without questioning or seeking alternatives more aligned with our essence. The “sameness” concept, which reflects the unquestioned repetition of patterns and choices, quietly installs itself in our lives as an invisible prison, preventing our personal evolution.

One of the keys to breaking free from this cycle is the development of self-awareness. William James, philosopher and psychologist, stated that “what we do is more important than what we achieve,” inviting us to reflect on what truly matters in our journey. What are the deep meanings that resonate with our essence beyond external and superficial achievements? This reflection challenges us to question the motivations behind our actions and, more importantly, encourages us to seek what is truly authentic, moving us away from the conformity imposed by society.

In a similar vein, Lao-Tzu, the Chinese philosopher, proposed that “knowing yourself” is the key to an integrated life. This deep understanding of who we are and what we seek requires not only self-awareness but also the courage to accept and explore the complexity of our nature. Self-knowledge is not a fixed state but a dynamic process of continuous reflection, an exercise in detaching from the familiar and the comfortable so that we can move towards our own truths, no matter how challenging they may be.

Overcoming “sameness,” therefore, requires a commitment to this constant practice of self-knowledge. We live in a scenario where the search for stability and predictability keeps us attached to what is safe and familiar. However, as Bauman has already warned us, this fluidity of modernity should not be an invitation to stagnation, but rather to change. True freedom arises not in safe repetition, but in confronting the uncertain, in the boldness to explore new possibilities, challenge established patterns, and cultivate the courage to be who we truly are, without fear of judgment or external disapproval.

This journey of self-awareness is challenging, but essential. It is not a process that happens overnight, but a continuous construction, where, day after day, we work to free ourselves from the fears that limit us and the conventions that imprison us. True freedom of choice, the reconquest of our identity and autonomy, begins when we shed what is familiar and comfortable, and begin to live according to what is true for us, without the need to conform to the “normal” established by society.

The Journey to Live on Your Own Terms

True freedom, as Jean-Paul Sartre reminds us, resides in our ability to make authentic choices, free from external impositions. These choices often require us to break with society’s expectations and established conventions, a movement that, for Sartre, is a true expression of our existential freedom. Living according to our own terms, therefore, is not an easy path, but rather a revolutionary act. It means challenging what is considered “normal” or “acceptable” and, at the same time, accepting responsibility for the consequences of those choices. True freedom is not in the absence of responsibility but in the full awareness of our capacity to shape our lives according to what we believe is right.

Sociologist Pierre Bourdieu, in his theory of habitus, explains how social and cultural experiences shape our perceptions of the world, including our definitions of success. These influences, often unconscious, condition us to adopt certain behaviors and beliefs. However, Bourdieu also warns us that awareness of these influences is the first step to subverting these patterns. By becoming aware of how we are shaped by these external forces, we can begin to redirect our attention to what truly matters: what is authentic and true for us, far from the models imposed by society.

Living an authentic life is much more than simply resisting the pressure of external expectations. It is about making choices that reflect our essence, even when that means swimming against the current. As we distance ourselves from external influences, we are called to find our own truth — the truth that is not based on social conventions, but on what we feel is our true purpose.

A Philosophical and Personal Path

Living according to our own values requires a unique boldness — the courage to break with external expectations and carve a path aligned with our essence. It is not just a choice, but a continuous process of self-awareness and personal development. It is an invitation to evolve, to rediscover ourselves in every decision, and to embrace authenticity without fear of what the future holds.

Each step on this path is a confrontation with the fear of the unknown, but also an affirmation of the freedom that only arises when we follow our true essence. By leaving behind what no longer serves us, we create space for a kind of happiness that is not found in social patterns but in the depth of who we are.

This journey is not easy or quick, but it is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding. We are not seeking the acceptance of others, but our own inner peace. What matters are not the applause of the crowd, but the deep recognition of who we truly are and what we truly want to be.

The true measure of success, therefore, is not a finish line, but an internal state of peace, fulfillment, and balance. It is not something that is achieved once and for all, but rather a continuous process of becoming who we really are. It is about embracing the challenge of authenticity, acting with courage and humility, and building a life that has meaning for us, regardless of external expectations. This is the journey of true freedom and authentic success.

This journey of authenticity also reverberates in several other dimensions of life, such as personal relationships, career, and overall well-being.

In the professional realm, by embracing who we truly are, we are more capable of making decisions that align our skills and passions with our professional journey. This may mean choosing a career or role that resonates more with our values and what we truly seek in our professional life. Professionals who live according to their own terms generally experience greater job satisfaction, are more creative, and more effective. After all, when our career reflects our authenticity, motivation and commitment tend to be much more consistent.

In personal relationships, living authentically is also transformative. When we are true to ourselves, relationships tend to become more genuine, deep, and meaningful. Instead of worrying about pleasing others or meeting external expectations, we begin to connect with people in a more genuine and transparent way. This fosters relationships based on mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance, creating a support network that strengthens our journey.

On a personal level, this freedom to live authentically gives us lasting inner peace because we are no longer trapped by external impositions. When we act according to our values and principles, we can better cope with life’s challenges. The sense of being aligned with ourselves, even in adversity, brings resilience and emotional balance.

The Practice of Authenticity

Living according to your own terms doesn’t have to be a distant or idealistic concept. It can start with small, but powerful decisions in your everyday life that gradually shape the way you relate to the world and to yourself. Here are some areas where these choices can have a transformative impact:

1. At Work: In the professional environment, authenticity begins by making decisions that align your passions, skills, and values with your daily activities. It could be as simple as taking on a project that truly resonates with what you believe is important, rather than following a task that only meets external expectations. This might include asking for more responsibilities that match your true potential or even redefining your role if you feel it no longer aligns with your values. In the long run, these small choices create a more meaningful and rewarding professional path.

In practice: If you are someone who cares deeply about innovation, consider proposing new solutions or ideas in your work, even if it challenges the way things have been done. Maybe it’s an idea that the team hasn’t considered yet, but you believe it is essential. This attitude of stepping forward, contributing in line with what you truly believe, is an example of living according to your own terms.

2. In Relationships:

In the personal realm, being authentic means building genuine relationships, not superficial ones. This can start with the choice of who you want to keep close. Sometimes, it means distancing yourself from people who don’t contribute to your life in a meaningful way. The focus shouldn’t be on pleasing others or following social norms, but on connecting with those who share your values and who truly respect your individuality.

In practice: During a conversation with a friend or partner, for example, instead of hiding your feelings or opinions to avoid conflict, you choose to be vulnerably honest, sharing your authentic perspective. This creates space for a more transparent relationship and strengthens the bonds, even when the truth is not necessarily easy to say.

3. In Health:

Physical and mental health are also deeply impacted by living authentically. When you choose to take care of your body in a way that resonates with your values, rather than what others expect or what is “in fashion,” you strengthen yourself from the inside out. This can range from deciding to adopt a more active lifestyle that aligns with your preferences to being honest with yourself about your emotional needs and seeking help when necessary.

In practice: If you’re feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, instead of continuing to operate on autopilot, you choose to take a break. It could be a walk outdoors, practicing meditation, or even taking a day of rest. Listening to your body and respecting your own needs is a powerful way to live according to your own terms.

The Life Worth Living

Living on your own terms is not just a choice; it is an internal revolution. As existentialist philosophers like Sartre and Kierkegaard teach us, true freedom arises when we take full responsibility for our choices, regardless of external impositions. Kierkegaard reminds us that “the door of happiness opens inward; you must retreat a little to open it” — a call to look inward, detach from others’ expectations, and find, in authenticity, the purest form of freedom.

By embracing this freedom, you not only distance yourself from societal expectations but also move closer to a deeper happiness, one that does not depend on external validation. True happiness is an internal construction, rooted in self-knowledge, where the journey becomes as valuable as the destination. It is rooted in the idea that life, even in its imperfections and challenges, is worth living when we are in tune with our truest essence.

The pursuit of an authentic life, despite the challenges, is also an act of courage. In times of uncertainty, the tendency is to succumb to old certainties and patterns. But it is precisely by embracing this uncertainty that we find our true strength. In a liquid world, as Bauman proposes, where everything is fluid and unstable, staying true to oneself is the greatest form of resistance.

This journey requires courage to break away from the conventional and question established truths. As Nietzsche calls us, it is not merely about following a predetermined path, but about creating your own, embracing the continuous process of self-discovery, and aligning with your deepest purpose, even when the path ahead is unclear.

In the end, true success is not measured by external achievements or recognition. It is inner peace, the feeling of alignment with what truly matters, and the certainty of living according to your own values. This is the life worth living — a life that only you can build, on your own terms, with authenticity and courage.

The question remains: what are you willing to let go of to live according to what truly matters to you? If you accept the challenge, you will be taking the first step toward a more meaningful, balanced, and true life, where success is measured by inner peace and personal fulfillment. The path is yours — and it starts now.

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Hello, I’m Marcello de Souza! I began my career in 1997 as a leader and manager in a large company in the IT and Telecom market. Since then, I’ve been at the forefront of major projects focused on the structure, implementation, and optimization of telecommunication networks in Brazil.

Driven by curiosity and passion for behavioral and social psychology, in 2008, I decided to dive deeper into the human mind. Since then, I’ve become a professional dedicated to uncovering the secrets of human behavior and catalyzing positive changes in individuals and organizations.

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