THE ANXIETY OF PURPOSE: WHY THE SEARCH FOR ‘WHY’ CAN BECOME A TRAP

“Life is a search for meaning, but perhaps it is the very act of searching that defines us, not the meaning we find.” – Eugène Ionesco

We live in a society where the concept of “purpose” has transformed from a legitimate need for meaning into a collective obsession, fueled by a multi-billion-dollar self-help market. Phrases like “Find your calling,” “Follow your passion,” and “Discover your why” constantly resonate, creating the expectation that life should be guided by a grand and unique mission. However, what began as a quest for direction and fulfillment has, for many, resulted in a cycle of anxiety, frustration, and even existential paralysis.

Recently, a client, whom I will call Marcos, sought help after feeling a profound emptiness despite having built what seemed like a successful life. He had a clear purpose, well-defined goals, and a carefully planned routine. However, he confessed, “I know exactly what I want to do, but I no longer find joy in what I do. I no longer see myself in my own story.” His life was perfectly structured, but the pressure to find a more meaningful purpose had created a disconnection from the present reality and a sense of emptiness.

This paradox illustrates how, even with a strategically designed life, the incessant desire for a higher purpose can, in fact, take us further from true fulfillment. The pressure to achieve something grander and definitive prevents us from appreciating the small victories of everyday life and from reconnecting with what we already have.

Therefore, I ask: What if the real challenge isn’t the lack of purpose, but the obsession with always searching for this “why”? Perhaps this relentless search leads us further away from genuine fulfillment, distancing us from the present and the small accomplishments that, in themselves, are already meaningful. Today, I propose reflecting on a central idea: maybe the idea of finding a “why” is, in fact, the greatest trap in our quest for meaning.

The Age of “Find Your Why”

The search for purpose gained momentum with Simon Sinek’s work, Start with Why, which argues that individuals and organizations should structure their actions around a central “why.” While inspiring, this concept has produced a worrying side effect: the belief that without a defined and unquestionable purpose, we are adrift, wasting our potential.

Behavioral psychology warns about the risks of this mindset. Research indicates that the obsession with finding a greater purpose can lead to the so-called “purpose paradox”—a state in which the more we seek an absolute meaning for life, the harder it becomes to make concrete decisions. It’s as if we’re waiting for a grand “calling,” without realizing that true meaning emerges from the very movement, the daily construction, and the capacity for re-signification throughout the journey.

Furthermore, purpose is neither static nor singular. What motivates us at one stage in life may lose its luster at another. Yet, instead of seeing this fluidity as a natural reflection of maturation, we tend to interpret it as a sign of failure, triggering unnecessary existential crises.

The Social Construction of Purpose and the Culture of Dissatisfaction

Jean-Paul Sartre, in his existentialist philosophy, claimed that “existence precedes essence”—meaning, we are not born with a predetermined purpose; we create it through our experiences and choices. However, contemporary society sells the opposite narrative: that purpose is an external entity, a hidden truth that we must “discover.”

This belief fosters a chronic state of dissatisfaction. When we assume that an ideal purpose is waiting for us, any deviation from the path can lead to anguish. Purpose becomes an unattainable destination, and the journey loses its significance. We begin to feel that we are never doing enough—that we could be walking a more meaningful, impactful, “correct” path.

Social media amplifies this feeling. Daily, we are bombarded with inspiring stories of people who seem to have found their big why and live extraordinarily. This constant mirroring makes us question our choices, compare ourselves incessantly, and often feel behind compared to an illusory standard. As a result, this pressure not only undermines our ability to see value in the present but can also paralyze us, making it harder to genuinely build a purpose that makes sense to us.

The Neuroscience of Dissatisfaction and the Dopamine Cycle

The constant dissatisfaction we feel is not merely a product of contemporary culture—it has deep roots in the very biology of the brain. Humans are neurologically programmed to desire more, driven by the reward system powered by dopamine, a neurotransmitter essential for motivation and the drive for new achievements.

Researcher Anna Lembke, a professor at Stanford University and expert in behavioral neuroscience, explains that this mechanism is one of the primary reasons for our eternal sense of “almost there.” Each achievement triggers a release of dopamine, bringing brief euphoria. However, the brain quickly adapts to this new reality and returns to its baseline state, reigniting the need for a new goal to regain that sense of accomplishment.

This dynamic explains why the relentless pursuit of a “great purpose” can be so exhausting. What should be a guiding compass for a more meaningful life transforms into a vicious cycle, where each achievement quickly loses its shine, replaced by the anticipation of the next big revelation.

Marcos felt exactly this. He had achieved all the goals he once desired, but instead of fulfillment, he experienced restlessness and emptiness. “I thought that when I got here, I would feel complete. But now that I’ve arrived, all I can think about is what comes next. It seems like it’s never enough,” he confessed.

This thought pattern traps us in the illusion that fulfillment is always one step ahead. If we do not learn to extract meaning from the present, the journey becomes an endless race, where happiness is always deferred to the future. Thus, instead of bringing clarity and contentment, the obsession with purpose can condemn us to a continuous state of frustration.

The Impact of Social Media and the “Neighbor’s Grass”

If biology already drives us to constantly seek something new, digital hyperconnectivity amplifies this tendency. Social media bombards us with inspiring stories of people who seem to have found their “big why” and live fully aligned with it. But what we forget is that these narratives are curated, edited, and often simplified to appear more linear than they truly are.

MIT professor Sherry Turkle, in her studies on technology and human relationships, coined the term “connected loneliness” to describe the modern paradox: we are more interconnected than ever, yet feel increasingly isolated and inadequate. Comparing ourselves to idealized snapshots of other people’s lives makes us question whether we are on the right path, whether we are falling behind, and whether we should be doing something different.

Marcos, for example, saw friends posting about their professional and personal advances and felt that, despite all his achievements, something was still missing. “It seems like everyone has an amazing purpose and is living fully. I should be more fulfilled than I am,” he confessed.

This illusion that there is a perfect and definitive purpose waiting for us generates a cycle of dissatisfaction, where the search ceases to be a natural process and transforms into an anxious race.

Purpose is Not a Destination

The widely spread view that purpose is a fixed destination might be the root of the problem. True meaning is not found in discovering a single, definitive answer but in the continuous construction of meaning along the journey.

Positive Psychology reinforces this idea. Martin Seligman, one of the leading scholars of human well-being, proposed the PERMA model (Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment) to explain what makes life fulfilling. According to him, the meaning of life does not depend on a single “great why,” but on the sum of experiences that connect us to something greater.

Neuroscience supports this view. Antonio Damasio, in his research on emotion and decision-making, suggests that the brain does not seek an absolute purpose but attributes meaning to our actions as we move forward. In other words, purpose is not a fixed point on the horizon, but a map that constantly redraws itself as we explore new directions.

Perhaps the real question is not “What is my purpose?” but rather “How can I make this moment meaningful?”

The Social Construction of Purpose and Its Dynamism

Rather than a fixed purpose to be “discovered,” what we propose is the idea that purpose is a continuous construction, fueled by our experiences, actions, and choices. This view goes against the traditional conception that suggests purpose is something to be found, like a revelation or a universal truth. Existential philosophers like Sartre argue that we are free to create the meaning of our lives, and this construction process occurs constantly and dynamically over time, being strongly influenced by our actions in the present.

Purpose, therefore, is not something immutable, but multifaceted and adaptable to the various stages of life. What makes sense to us today might not have the same relevance in the future. When we allow purpose to evolve, we provide the flexibility needed to adjust our goals and actions according to our needs and circumstances, without the pressure of maintaining a fixed and unshakable meaning.

Emily Esfahani Smith, author of The Power of Meaning, emphasizes that the search for meaning is more of a continuous journey than a fixed destination. She argues that this search should be supported by four essential pillars: belonging, purpose, transcendence, and narrative. Esfahani notes that by connecting with meaning in everyday experiences, rather than obsessively focusing on a “great why,” we achieve a fuller, less anxious life.

Resilience and Purpose in Adverse Circumstances

Even in the most extreme conditions of suffering, such as in concentration camps, humans can still find purpose in the small actions and daily decisions. Pain is inevitable, but how we choose to deal with it defines our purpose. This powerful idea reminds us that the meaning of life is not found in a grand revelation but in our ability to assign value to experiences, even those that are beyond our control or idealized script.

Positive psychology introduces the concept of resilience as fundamental in building purpose. Facing adversities does not merely mean surviving them, but being able to grow and evolve from them. Studies show that individuals with high resilience not only overcome obstacles but also reconfigure their goals and expectations, incorporating the lessons learned in their journey and creating a deeper and more authentic purpose from the difficulties they face.

How to Relieve the Anxiety of Purpose?

If the search for a grand purpose has generated anxiety and insecurity, it may be time to reconsider the approach. Instead of focusing all energy on the idea that the “purpose” of our life needs to be a singular, definitive mission, why not focus on the continuous construction of meaning in our daily lives? Research in positive psychology, led by figures like Martin Seligman, suggests that true satisfaction does not come from finding a fixed grand purpose, but from cultivating small moments of meaning in daily activities, choices, and relationships.

Here are some practical and liberating questions to help alleviate the pressure associated with “finding a purpose”:

1. What energizes me in the present?

Rather than relentlessly searching for a “great purpose” or trying to answer the eternal “why,” how about looking at the small things that already make sense in your daily life? Studies by Amy Wrzesniewski show that many people find satisfaction in their work not by the grandiosity of the task, but by it being a continuous path of contribution and learning. Ask yourself: What daily activities energize me? Often, purpose lies in the simple actions of everyday life, such as helping someone, creating something new, or simply being present in the relationships we build. Don’t underestimate the power of the daily; it can be a vast field of purpose if we approach it with more attention.

2. If I set aside external pressures, what would I like to do?

We live in a society that constantly tells us what we “should” do—whether in career, personal life, or our contribution to the world. However, as Sherry Turkle, a professor at MIT and researcher on digital relationships, points out, we often feel more disconnected and unsatisfied when comparing ourselves to the filtered lives of others, especially on social media. Ask yourself: If I were not afraid of disappointing others, what would I truly do? Freeing yourself from external pressure allows you to align your actions with what truly matters to you, without the weight of social approval. By taking this step, you start acting more authentically, creating a purpose that is truly yours and not imposed.

3. How can I cultivate more meaning in my daily activities?

Don’t wait for the grand revelation or the completion of a distant goal to feel like you’re on the right path. The meaning of our lives is constantly being created, and it often emerges in small actions, especially when we face difficulties or challenges. Purpose is not a great truth revealed all at once, but something that is built throughout our journey. Ask yourself: How can I add more purpose to the things I already do? When we do what we already do with more intention and presence, whether at work, in family relationships, or in the way we face daily challenges, small actions can turn into meaningful moments. Often, it’s the small choices, made with more awareness, that compose the true meaning.

4. Purpose is Not Something Fixed, But Something Built

Instead of looking for a definitive revelation about what our purpose is, we must understand that it is a continuous and dynamic process. Existential philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Irvin Yalom propose that purpose is not something given or fixed, but something we build as we live and make choices. The meaning of life is not something we “find” in a single moment, but something we create day by day, through our actions. Purpose is built as we move through life. Ask yourself: How can I begin to see purpose as something I build with each step? What can I do today to add more meaning to my daily life? Instead of waiting for a grand revelation, you can ask yourself: What can I do now to get closer to a deeper understanding of my purpose, even if it’s still under construction?

5. Purpose is in the Journey, Not the Destination

The anxiety associated with purpose often stems from the idea that we need to find a final and definitive destination—something that gives us one single reason to live. However, as Dan Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard University, points out in Stumbling on Happiness, people often underestimate their ability to adapt and find happiness in circumstances that initially do not seem promising. Purpose, much like happiness, lies more in the journey than in the destination. Ask yourself: If I accepted that purpose lies in the journey, not in a fixed destination, what would change in the way I view my path now? The idea of purpose as an ongoing journey allows each step, each interaction, and each choice to become a meaningful part of our process. Instead of seeking a great destination, we can learn to appreciate the process.

6. The Impact of Small Wins: Celebrating the Process

Purpose anxiety is also linked to our tendency to seek out major milestones and forget to celebrate the small wins. As researcher Carol Dweck states, the growth mindset she proposes emphasizes that continuous learning and progress are just as valuable as final results. Celebrating small achievements, instead of waiting for a big revelation, helps build confidence and reinforces the feeling that we are heading in the right direction. Ask yourself: How can I celebrate the small wins along the way? In every small victory, whether in work, relationships, or personal life, recognizing and celebrating these moments can relieve the pressure for major accomplishments and help turn the pursuit of purpose into something lighter and more fulfilling.

Purpose as a Path, Not a Destination

Purpose is not something to be achieved in a single moment of revelation. It is not a fixed goal, but a continuous journey, shaped by the choices we make, the relationships we nurture, and the ways we give meaning to our daily actions. The idea of a “final purpose” can be oppressive and distract us from what truly matters: the process of daily meaning-making.

If the relentless search for purpose has generated more anxiety than clarity, perhaps it is time to stop and reconsider the approach. Free yourself from the pressure of finding a grand mission and start seeing each moment as an opportunity to build personal purpose, on the path you are currently walking. Instead of waiting for a big revelation, why not focus on what you can do today to give more meaning to your life?

The secret lies in the present: when we focus on what truly matters—the small actions, the genuine interactions, the decisions we make each day—we realize that purpose is not a specific point in the future, but is revealed through our willingness to engage authentically with what we have now.

Positive psychology, as taught by researchers like Martin Seligman, and Albert Bandura’s theory of self-efficacy, show us that our true ability to build purpose arises when we believe in our own ability to make choices aligned with our values. By cultivating this confidence and acting accordingly, purpose begins to emerge naturally, not as something distant or unattainable, but as a reflection of the actions we take today.
Now, imagine: what if, instead of desperately searching for a “big why,” we began to see purpose in the small daily victories, in the relationships we build, and in the choices we make in the present? Purpose may not be something we find, but something we live.

The true key to a meaningful life does not lie in the search for a final destination, but in the power we have to give meaning to each step, each choice, each moment lived. For, in the end, purpose is not something to be found. Purpose is something to be lived, in the path we choose to walk, every day.

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