EMOTIONAL EMPTINESS AND RELATIONSHIPS

“We navigate the tumultuous seas of life, each wave an experience, each breeze a thought. Amidst the vast ocean of emotions, we seek anchorages of meaning, striving to understand the mystery of existence and the essence of our own journey. We are solitary navigators in search of deep connections, treasures hidden within the soul, and answers to the questions that echo in the silence of the universe. May we find light in the shadows, wisdom in the uncertainties, and courage to face the challenges that shape our journey toward authenticity and fulfillment.” (Marcello de Souza)

How many times have we heard about emotional emptiness, and so many other times have we encountered it without being able to understand what is happening within us? It’s possible that this state of sadness and dissatisfaction torments us in many moments of our lives, and we can hardly understand what is actually happening to us because it is normal to feel empty when faced with a state of loneliness or even with a sensation that we are incomplete.

However, existential emptiness is not something bad. Like all sense of pain and suffering, it is necessary for us to recognize our priorities and to help us become aware of the choices we are making for our own lives.

Personal frustration, the pain of a complicated childhood, the failure of past relationships, or even stress and anxiety can undoubtedly configure this state. Existential emptiness can appear even when one is in a healthy relationship, in a job that aligns with one’s aspirations, or in situations that somehow make one feel good, precisely because, as it is something much more intimate and introspective, it arises precisely at times when we realize that we can do more for ourselves, as well as from the need to recognize how we are leading our own lives.

It is a way of realizing how much more we can be and investing in what can generate fruits that align with a completeness of oneself, helping to realize that something is missing that we are not able to understand in our daily lives. Something that will need to be changed for us to enter into full harmony.

There is no point in trying to find culprits or externalize your conception because this feeling is within each one of us. It hides behind the masks of feelings that accompany the doubts that are always unsettling.

The truth is that we have become accustomed to living in search of answers and take little time to know where we should actually bet our lives and understand everything we need to make ourselves feel better as well as where we want to go with the choices we are making and what we are willing to do for it.

Not that we should live in search of full understanding, or of finding justifications for being who we are, but rather to understand who we really are, in the deepest sense.

It is in this self-evaluation that we stop living in function of the identitary search, thinking that what matters is the approval for others of what we are. To delude oneself through approval.

Existential emptiness fully manifests itself when we bring the idea of an imperfect past, of mistakes already made, or even the belief that the past can repeat itself in the present without clarity about our definition of the value of how to “Be” in the current moment. In other words, who we are, what we are, and what we are doing today. Our lack of knowledge of the values ​​we are proposing for life comes at a high cost.

If we could summarize emotional emptiness in a single word, perhaps it would be infernal. Since it is a present state that makes us need to turn to ourselves to identify everything that is lacking in us as human beings, worthy of a life that needs to be lived fully.

Many try to escape from this state by trying to replace it with vices, by the relentless pursuit of a great love, by excesses in the pursuit of an image, just as there are also those who resort to going out and shooting in all directions trying to find scapegoats to justify what is inside themselves.

Undoing this emptiness is not simple, and it depends exclusively on us, and unlike what apparently seems, enduring and overcoming this dimension of discomfort and sadness is fundamental for us to cope with the present moment, because it is in it that everything in life happens.

We can always decide on the choices we make from now on. In this restlessness, courage is needed to make decisions that we can effectively be restless about, and not to let life follow its course adrift, in a sea of ​​uncertainty and pain.

Each one has to search for everything that is inside them and find paths that can represent their real, desired, and idealized identity. Not that there are formulas for this, because each one is each one and the solution is within us, and therefore, it only depends on us to arrive at the truth.

Emotional self-awareness is the sustainable foundation for understanding everything that afflicts us, and to find it, one must begin by removing from their path everything that is generating negative emotions in their life.

Ceasing to feel empty within ourselves is something that is achieved by working on and taking care of our strengths and imperfections. Allowing ourselves to savor our most sublime emotions and everything that brings us joy. Seeing that our emotions and our needs manifest themselves on different levels, so subtle and necessary, as inner change for what matters to us represents the first part of ourselves to reach something greater that goes beyond everything we plan.

As it is something that depends exclusively on ourselves and this search for belonging to life, it is impossible to say what the best recipe is to get out of it, but it is possible to speak of fundamental points to overcome it.

Initially, emotional emptiness begins with a feeling of loneliness. Although existential emptiness seems to be directly related to loneliness, it is not always true, but they complement each other, which is why it is necessary to start from the understanding of loneliness to overcome it.

Loneliness is a feeling in which a person feels a deep sense of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people go through moments when they find themselves alone, either by force of circumstances or by their own choice. Being alone can be a positive, enjoyable experience and bring emotional relief, as long as it is under each one’s control.

Solitude is the state of being alone and away from other people, and usually implies a conscious choice. Now, loneliness does not require the absence of other people and is usually felt even in densely populated places.

Loneliness can occur even when you have a partner, but in that relationship, there is no friendship, transparency, fidelity, dialogue, understanding, or even an interest in seeing your partner happy and building something greater together.

Loneliness can appear when you have the clear vision that the people you most expected to support you, give you their love and dedication, do not, and you end up not having the support of any of the people around you that you expected to have.

Loneliness is present even within the family when everyone is concerned with themselves. Loneliness occurs in selfish relationships.

To get out of loneliness and heal this pain of emptiness, it is necessary to reconnect with oneself and learn to prioritize what matters to you and be with people who truly want your well-being. Many times we have those people who stay around us or seek us out or even try to attack us to use us as objects, without having any interest in us to see our best. They simply do this to satisfy their ego and feel satisfied in using the other when they have some value until they exhaust all their resources. When they have nothing more to give, these people simply leave your life and only come back when they need you again for something else.

In this sense, it is necessary to become aware that no one deserves more respect, attention, care, and affection than ourselves. Not that we have to be selfish or stop loving others, but we need to set boundaries and recognize among people who are worth persisting because they want the best for us and will be by our side whenever needed, with a helping hand. Now, we must take care of those “emotional vampires” who only want to use us to feed their own egocentrism.

Don’t try to escape emotional emptiness, but face it with all your strength. Believe me, there is nothing lacking in us that cannot be sufficient to move forward and make better choices for life, avoiding falling into disillusionment.

Entertain yourself, become aware of who you really are and how much you have within yourself for yourself and for others. By doing so, you will connect with those darker parts of your “self”, and this will be the moment to take a step forward, stronger, to not be deluded by anything that does not belong to you or is not worth insisting on.

Let go of what hurts and what harms you, and everything that brings you a sense of emptiness, even if you have to let go of those you like or love. Just because you like or love someone doesn’t mean the other person genuinely likes or loves you or deserves your sincere affection. Those who like and love want to be together, want to dialogue, feel present, value relationships, and if this doesn’t happen, it’s because there’s nothing in the other person that deserves your suffering or your insistence on a relationship that has no value.

We are always surrounded by noise, opinions, advice, and people who insist on showing us the best path. Don’t fall for it, always listen to what is inside you, without fear, so that your choices make real sense and you can find your best self. Always do what you feel like doing because you think it’s the best. Even if we disappoint ourselves later, we will be sure that we did our best. But, do it for everything that also allows you to recognize your own worth. In this sense, we don’t need to belittle ourselves for those who don’t want anything sincere from us.

Instead of disappointments, seek to be with those who truly matter, and where you can be yourself, with all your essence and your freedom. With this, you can be sure that emotional noises will gradually disappear.

No one needs to use another to feed their ego, just as we don’t need others’ flowers to have a beautiful garden. Often we spend a lot of our time waiting for others to fill our emptiness and wanting someone to put flowers in our soul and hold our hand, guiding us to happiness and well-being, but this is not real, a relationship always occurs between one and the other, where each one gives their best without expecting anything in return.

Although it may seem beautiful and necessary, expecting another to complete us is not true. No one needs to fill our voids or play the hero or be complacent with our flaws; this is not friendship but self-interest. We must seek to find our best selves and take care of ourselves.

Adult, true, and healthy relationships happen by themselves when we find good people who accept us as we are, and we accept them as they are. In this sense, we need to build our best selves with what we have within us and recognize limits when necessary. Understand that those who do not learn to enjoy this emotional emptiness will seek what is missing in others, and this will never bring inner peace or make us better people than we already are.

While we strive to fill our emotional voids and seek true connection, always remember that clarity and honesty are essential. Because, at the end of the day, we can only build genuine relationships when we are true to ourselves and others. So, if this is your case, then act with courage and take the first step. After all, honesty is the foundation of any genuine bond. May we all find the courage to be true in our emotional journeys.

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Hello, I’m Marcello de Souza! I started my career in 1997 as a leader and manager in a large company in the IT and Telecommunications market. Since then, I have been involved in important projects structuring, implementing, and optimizing telecommunications networks in Brazil. Restless and passionate about behavioral and social psychology. In 2008, I decided to dive into the universe of the human mind.

Since then, I have become a professional passionate about deciphering the secrets of human behavior and catalyzing positive changes in individuals and organizations. Doctor in Social Psychology, with over 25 years of experience in Cognitive Behavioral and Human Organizational Development. With a diverse career, I highlight my role as:

Master Senior Coach & Trainer: Guiding my clients in the pursuit of goals and personal and professional development, achieving extraordinary results.

Chief Happiness Officer (CHO): Fostering an organizational culture of happiness and well-being, boosting employee productivity and commitment.

Specialist in Language and Behavior Development: Improving communication skills and self-awareness, empowering people to face challenges with resilience.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapist: Using cutting-edge cognitive-behavioral therapy to help overcome obstacles and achieve a balanced mind.

Family & Organizational Systemic Psychic Constellation: Based on systemic and psychic behavioral laws governing our affections, this practice offers a deep insight into the ancestral influences shaping our journey.

Hypnotherapist: Based on the interaction between mind and metaphors, Hypnotherapy helps overcome obstacles, unwanted patterns, and promotes self-discovery.

Lecturer, Teacher, Writer, and Researcher: Sharing valuable knowledge and ideas in events, training sessions, and publications to inspire positive changes.

Consultant and Mentor: Leveraging my experience in leadership and project management to identify growth opportunities and propose personalized strategies.

My solid academic background includes four postgraduate degrees and a doctorate in Social Psychology, along with international certifications in Management, Leadership, and Cognitive Behavioral Development. My contributions in the field are widely recognized in hundreds of classes, training sessions, conferences, and published articles.

Co-author of the book “The Coaching Secret” and author of “The Map is Not the Territory, the Territory is You” and “The Diet Society” (the first of a trilogy on human behavior in contemporary times – 05/2024).

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